The world adores matt hayward

Brands are an ever pervasive means these days of polishing a turd into something more palatable. Basically you want a car within your means, but you still have desires. You want to express something about yourself in your lethargic 5 door econohatch. So if you’re the manufacturer, why make a better car when you can make a better badge? Enter Chevrolet UK, and it’s not what you’d expect.

Chev’s UK range (as of Feb ‘O5) are rebadged Daewoos, that have been selling in the UK for some time now. They’ve sold in moderate volumes in the land of the rising Turnip, but not well enough to keep Daewoo afloat. Given that ‘The General’ had invested so many green backs into the Korean being a global success, it had to do something. Being American, naturally making a quality product didn’t appeal to them (Ask an American about their normal cars, you’ll find out what I mean). So maybe giving it a more aspiration brand instead would work? Dang! The General’s done it again!

In North America, Chevy means 2 1/2 tonne powerful, luxurious SUVs like the Tahoe and the Suburban. Vehicles that are so ridiculously only viable in the US and wouldn’t sell in volumes anywhere else in the world. With trucks like that, Chevy is about nothing more than overt, conspicuous consumption and that all important power. In the UK, Chevy now means tarted up Daewoo compacts with a cute bow tie on the front.

Is Chevy, like many corporations, becoming too audacious? Andy Carroll, Chevrolet UK’s Managing Director beckons “We are proud to be introducing a global brand with such heritage and strength to the UK market. We have been encouraged by the awareness that people in the UK already have of Chevrolet”. Introducing?! INTRODUCING?! What have they been watching Coronation Street on repeat for 50 years? I think we all know the Chevy brand from every US TV show and movie that’s entered the zeitgeist. Remember the war? A lot of American steel has been hitting Europe since then, but none of them compact little rebadged Korean hatches. At least amongst us blokes, Chevy is a household name for big, heavy stuff. So in my humble opinion they’re going to dilute their brand not sell more compacts.

Chevy only have to look in their own backyard to know that it’s an embarrasment to drive a non-SUV, ‘domestic’ car in the states. Looking at the US Chev web site, their lot’s improving, but only after decades of embarrasment forcing seppos into Carmys and Accords. So when our English chums notice the distinct lack of these compact Chevs on all those chart topping cop shows (CSI and all that crap), aren’t they going to smell a rat? GM had the intelligence not to do the same here and Daewoo all but disappeared for the now.

Now what about compact 4WDs? There’s even more dirt to dig on Chev’s parent company General Motors. If you’ve been reading a car mag in Australia in the past 12 months, you’d know about GM’s Saabaru venture. Perhaps the most wretched hybrid of WRX moxy and Saab designer shoe sense to ever slap you in the face. As WRX owner and precision driver Kevin Flynn attests, “the Subaru is a well built, but noisy vehicle. Even brand new, compared to my old Audi it was rattly and noisy.”

So what does the General do? Put Saab sheet metal on it and try and pass it off as the perfect boulevard-to-chalet cruiser. Basically, take all the sensibility and comfort out of the Saab that appeals to all those Apple Macintosh user types and make them whine as their Evian shakes in the cup holder and their Radiohead CD won’t cover up the engine note. Two niche brands coming together doesn’t make a right. Have a look at the picture of the Saab 92-x judge for yourself. Another branding ‘truimph’ to balance the books. I think it’s probably done nothing but boost Subaru WRX sales stateside.

Less tragically, the Subaru Forrester has been marketed in India and Asia as the Chevrolet Forrester.

On the flip side, it’s amazing to see how an enduring brand can be adopted on a totally unsuspecting populous. A visit to www.holden.co.jp (site in Japanese) shows an independent operation where the Japanese are buying HSV Maloo and SS utes to Tokyo. Perhaps they’re more realistic than corporate America. See American cars do sell in Japan. But no one is offering a sporty, rear wheel drive pick up - well ute. Enter the Holden.

When I asked my Japanese mate Tetsuji Yamamoto about the site, he said “that’s pick up track with sporty body. that’s not in Japanese sense. very interesting car”.

Surely it’s better to introduce a brand with an offering of something fresh and unique than serving the same shit in a different wrapper. But the fact remains, you can’t fool all the people all the time. And the English don’t like collectively taking the piss. Here’s hoping their faces fall flat in their apple pie with Chevy UK. Maybe one day people will wake up to global branding and corporations will have to think about the consequences to their core ‘brand values’ before emptying their bowels on yet another suspecting market.