The world adores matt hayward

If you go to www.mininova.org, a bittorrent site found out of the ruins of suprnova.org, National Australia Bank (NAB) have 2 banner ads on the front page! Yup that’s your hard earned money gone in bank fees to pay for banner ads on questionable web sites! I wonder if they actually know or care that there bank is being promoted on such a site?!

In case you don’t know what’s going on, let me explain. NAB, like any other bank, are capitalist bastards. Mininova is like a content pimp that provides sources for dubious content, that if you know what your’e doing, you can download it. Not all of it’s dubious. But not everyone in jail is a criminal either. Is this the bank’s ethics on display? We don’t care where we advertise, just give us big sites and Aussies and we don’t care about the rest? If a bestiality site met this criteria, would they advertise on it? It makes you wonder. . .

Really it’s like the catholic church promoting sermons on the panty liners of prozzies! Suffer in ya jocks NAB. You’ve been shafted!

Panama really epitomises the unexpected. I never would’ve dreampt that there was enough space left in Collingwood, let alone on the 3rd floor with such a view as this place. Collingwood has this amazing ability to do that though. On top of a Latin dance club, you keep climbing the stairs to what’s labelled as a fire door and there’s Panama Eating House.

In what is surely one of Melbourne’s most eclectic restaurants, there’s boundless open space filled with china cabinets, a bar, full sized pool table, couches everything for every whim. Unlike the chintzy red vynil and velvet cigar room downstairs, with the token Che Guevara motif on the brick wall, Panama is as opulent as cool gets. With great big windows overlooking the city, even the council flats look great at night! Somehow this place really reconciles the urban trashiness with the city glamour queens in bohemian harmony.

For now, Panama seems to be making a name as a bar, because there’s only a few tables and the food’s relatively inexpensive. I could see a main over $20, the wine list equally modest. Unlike the prices, the food could be better. A room this good deserves something more remarkable. Ohe thing they do have down pat is the service, which can’t be faulted. Absolutely top notch!

My gf had a coq au vin which was a little dry with underdone vegetables. Nothing too remarkable. Entrees were slightly better with some WA sardines served with a chick pea salad. Unfortunately though, especially compared to Wabi Sabi Salon down the road, nothing remarkable. I can’t remember what I had for mains. Yes it was that memorable! Unlike the view, not quite the equilibrium we were looking for.

When they get the food and wine right, Panama will really be something special. But you have to start somewher.

OK biznitches. This recipe couldn’t be easier or tastier if you get it right. Believe me it’s not that hard. You could probably turn it over in 20 minutes and be very contented. Perfect for a cold night and great with beer because of that rich chilli.  All this stuff (including the Lee Kum Kee) you can find in your average Coles or Safeway. But hey, if you can get down to Chinatown, you’ll do even better!

Mapou chicken. Feeds 3 with leftovers

What to buy:
-500-700gms chicken (or pork for infidels) mince. Or if you’re really good, get 2 or 3 chicken breasts and make your own mince. Depends how much you like your meat.
- 4 tablespoons of Lee Kum Kee brand chilli and garlic paste (if you like it extremely hot, double it.)
- one small tub of silken tofu.  The more delicate the better. Approx. 300 grams. Dice into 1cm cubes
- A handful of long green beans, topped and tailed, cut into 1.5 inch lengths
- very finely chopped clove or garlic, or 1tsp garlic paste
- oil
- 1 cup rice (jasmine or basmati. Or just plain old long grain)
- Cayenne pepper and salt

Steps (15-30 minutes):

   1. Put your rice in the rice cooker if you have one, or start cooking your rice the white boy way.
   2. Start boiling some water to cook your beans
   3. Once the water is boiling, put your saucepan on a hot flame and heat it up for a bit
   4. After a few minutes add the oil and garlic paste. Stand back! It will spit!
   5. Start boiling your beans for about 5 mins
   6. Start frying your raw chicken mince for 5 mins on a high flame. Add salt and pepper
   7. Bring down the heat on your chicken. Add your chilli and garlic paste
   8. Once your beans are ready, drain them and add them to the chicken. Add the diced tofu also
   9. Put a lid on your saucepan and let it gently simmer for at least 10-15 minutes. The longer, the saucier and spicier! Stir occasionally but be careful of the delicate tofu.
  10. Once your rice is ready, serve. Grab a beer. Bloody tasty stuff!

Not a bad show. First of all this production must’ve been written around the time Austin Powers first came out. Because there’s a few derivations to that movie in the music score selected and the period in which the show is set.

Basically this is your typical play/pantomine where the innocent girl gets sent to a haunted house with various eccentricities along the way. If it was just the plot that this show was about it would be left lacking. Thankfully there are some marvellous non sequitors and stuff thrown in there just too keep things hilarious. And so in being hilarious when you least expect it, oh yes they do succeed!

I wouldn’t know where to start describing all the stuff that happens in this panto for no reason, an eccentric butler, a percussion scene,  a naked ballet scene with full bollock nudity (no ladies not sexy men, just sweaty hairy bollocks) , at least one pop dance number and  [simulated] ping pong balls fired out of vaginas, oh and the obligatory fart jokes. All the good stuff!

The other thing they do really well is just plain pissweak kitsch stuff. For some reason they decided to throw in a Kung Fu fight scene, complete with pissweak obvious ropes and bogus punches. They also get good laughs with cardboard cutout cars and cheap sight gags. Which while they’re cheap and cute or whatever is exactly what theatre is all about.

It doesn’t make sense if you explain it like that, but in its entirity, it all comes together hilariously well. If you can dig the full theatre, pantomine thing, with just four actors and like a bit of naughty comedy (meaning you’re English) this one’s for you. A very witty, panto that’s not for those with weak bladders! There are just too many good moments!

Full show information is here.

Honestly I didn’t know what to expect with this show. The gf bought the tickets and I just went along. This was apparently the first time this show’s ever been done, and I was bloody glad to still see it with all the glitches in tact too.

Demetri’s a cool guy. He’s from New Jersey so has some unfortunate Ray Romano Everybody Hates Raymond tinges about him, mostly in his appearance and accent. But with this show, he’s combined deadpan Steven Wright style one liners, Dr Katz style psychiatry comedy and a big dose of self deprecation. And you know what? For the most part it’s come off pretty well.

Not your typical stand up show (though apparently he’s doing that too), Demetri takes us through a production featuring music, animated segments and even puppetry as we journey through the 5 most traumatic experiences of his life according to Dr Parrot, his psychiatrist. Having said that it’s not too high brow and it’s a cute little show. While there’s indulgent musical moments, there’s also plenty of laugh out loud, self deprecating moments as we journey through real dorky photos of Demetri’s childhood.

What made it absolutely hilarious though was during one of the animated segments, his Apple laptop ran out of power (must’ve knocked the lead out) and it popped up a ‘this slideshow will stop until you can put the power plug back in’ message. So taking it in stride, he’s plugged in the power, said some colourful langauge and resumed the amination but this time with directors commentary! He was really cool and professional about the whole thing. Which was pretty cool considering the show already started 1 hour late! But that’s all opening night jitters that should well and truly be ironed out in future performances.

Suffice it to say, it has to be at least the cleverest show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. And with repeat performances, it may well end up being one of the best. Here’s full information on Demetri Martin, Dr Earnest Parrot Presents Demetri Martin.

The other day I downloaded this bands first album Gabba - Leave Stockholm (a pisstake on the Ramones second album ‘Leave Home’. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not exactly brilliantly recorded or fantastic. But what a fantastic parody. Gabba are equal parts ABBA and the Ramones.  And yes, that means punked up versions of Knowing Me, Knowing You and Waterloo. But it also means faintly disco concessions to Ramones songs.

So the Ramones aesthetic is obvious, these dudes don stripey shirts, bowl haircuts and black leather jackets. The addition of a blonde bombshell Anneke adds the necessary Abba. Judging by their web site www.gabba.co.uk, the band appear to have put out two more albums since Leave Stockholm and are touring in 2006. But the satire is laid on so thick, right down to the Ramones most infamous producer (Phil Spector) and their long time tour manager (Monte Melnick), it’s hard to establish anything about this band but they’re based in the UK. I’m not even sure if they’re Swedish!

They would have to be fantastic to see live. In fact this level of piss taking can only have originated from England. So i’m going to go out on a limb and say they’re plain old John Bull English. Unfortunately with the first release, they’re nowhere near as good as Beatallica.

Anyway, if you like your satire rock, check them out. They can only have improved since the first album.

Not a bad little doco this one. This one came out before Cyclone Katrina in May 2004.

The End of Suburbia traces the origins of the North American suburb, which in itself is quite interesting. But more to the point, its dependency on oil to get people from the suburbs where they live, to the cities where they work. Starting out with idyllic ‘country living for everybody’ 1950s propserous propaganda, very quickly you’re taken straight into the urbal sprawl. We soon find out that the suburban US dream is not under threat from Muslim fundamentalists, but the scarcity of the oil the whole American dream was based on.

So what’s so bad about suburbs you ask? Well North American suburbs were more a less a conspiracy away from public transport. Which if you look at some cities such as Los Angeles today, it seems highly plausible. Early suburbs had extensive trams (or what they call cable cars) and were very accessible without needing your own car. Jump to the post-war baby boomers and suddenly the US auto industry is burgeoning, and they didn’t want competition. So motorways got wider and trams more scarce as every family gets at least one car. Detroit used their Washington connections to keep highways coming and the clamp on PT. It was all based on cheap, plentiful oil and never thought to evebe unsustainable.

Cut a long story short, and post war suburbia was based on a false premise, and continues to this day. "it has none of the amenities of country life, and none ammenities of the town. Just a six lane highway" according to Howard Kunstler. Only one thing keeps the masses in the picture though, oil. And oil production peaked in the mid seventies. So guess how bad it is now? We’re just about out of gas.

The keypoints in this doco are three-fold: the false hope in alternative fuels; what peak oil really means for suburbia; economic impacts.

Alternative fuels

1. Alternative fuels are bogus. Hydrogen is no alternative to petroleum as it is only a means of storing energy in water and far more explosive. You still have to create the enegry in hydrogen from something. Effectively it takes more energy to make hydrogen than it does the bang for buck you’d get out of putting it in your petrol tank.
2. Ethanol from sugar cane or corn is not a feasible alternative fossil fuel because you need land to grow it, unlike oil which is mined underground. The amount of corn or sugar cane we’d need to grow to maintain sustainability is unfeasible.
3. Modern agriculture is heavily dependent on petroleum based pesticides and natural gas based fertilisers. The impact of this is two fold as we require pesticides to maintain peak production of affordable and plentiful food. Secondly that pumping so much oil based fertilisers into fertile land is slowly killing it, decreasing our ability to grow food in existing agri areas. Based on the last point, you’d need oil to fertilise corn. . .

What peak oil really means for suburbia

1. M King Hubbert an eminent, widely respected geologist predicted that US oil production would peak in the early 70s. In the true American style, they made a mockery of him. But history has proven him right although it took everyone a decade to realise that US oil prouction peaked in 1970, never to be beaten again. He also predicted world oil producton to peak in the 1990s. Scary . . .
2. According to Michael C Ruppert, 60% of the worlds’ avaialble oil fields are in the Persian Gulf. Guess where we’re at war?
3. So long as depleting natural resources are a reality, Cheney’s ‘war that will not end in our life time’ will continue. Because politicians that can keep the suburban dream alive, will stay in power. Furthermore control the (remaining) oil and you control the world.
4. Once you get past the peak of an oil well’s production, both the quality of oil suffers and the energy necessary to drill the oil makes it totally unfeasible to obtain. So there may be 50% of oil left in the ground, but it’s 10 times more expensive to drill for and half the quality of the former 50%

Economic impacts

1. As oil fields deplete, international free trade becomes impossible. It wont be feasible to make goods cheaply in China if the oil necessary to transport them continues to increase in cost.
2. Modern retailers such as K Mart and Wal Mart that not only ship in goods from overseas but truck them all over the country will become an impossible distribution model so long as we’re dependent on "cheap gas" to make it all possible 
3. suburbs themselves will have to become far more sustainable both economically and agriculturally. Local businesses selling local, seasonal goods will become a fact of life

Before we discuss there points further, here’s a bit about the production aspects of this doco. A hero of mine Michael C Ruppert (who wrote Crossing the Rubicon) is also featured in the oil scarcity discussions. Kunstler I don’t know anything about, but he’s pretty hip and calls the whole suburban nightmare a "clusterfuck" and refers to the average modern suburban house as a McMansion. So yes, I like his style! He certainly does lighten up the otherwise sombering tone of suburban despair.  This film also has minimal use of hyperbole and looks like it was made for television, so it production values and continuity are top notch.

Getting back to the crux of the matter, ‘Suburbia does have an upside. While the suburban way of life will be in imminent crisis, there are answers. Civilisation has to get back to a sustainable urban model that’s accessible by foot wherever possible. So there’s flirtation with a renaissance in urbanism to address these concerns. But increased inter and infrastate such as railways to curtail use of trucking and cars to travel are less likely but imperative.

And last but not least, we need to start thinking less of ourselves and more of our neighbors. Ingeneouity will have to solve the problems burocrats can’t. If it doesn’t we’ll perish. Those that do insist on suburbia will have to grow their own vegies and find a job locally. Quite possible even share their McMansion with another family. We’re in for an interesting ride as unsustainability becomes a bitter reality. In raising these points, this documentary has done very, very

The End of Suburbia is available at Mike Ruppert’s site at www.copvcia.com.

There is a god. Here at musichead.com.au is the latest video from Timmy and the boys. The new single ‘ain’t it funny how we don’t talk anymore?’ played for the first time on JJJ last night on the ‘2006′ show.

Admitedly, when you hear the intro to this tune, it will throw you. It’s a bit of a departure from the typical You Am I stuff. I was expecting something remeniscent of the ‘Sound As Ever’ or ‘Hi Fi Way’ days when the band were first finding their sound. But with the opening Peter Townshendesque chords, I almost thought it was The Living End.

Frankly, (and I don’t want to jinx the boys, I love ‘em dearly), how can this miss? It’s short, it’s punchy and maybe even a little bit more radio friendly with slick, rocking grooves to it. This is a very, very catchy tune. Also it sounds a lot more cohesive than a lot of their stuff since the Dress Me Slowly album. Lead guitarist Davey Lane really is tight in there and sounds a lot more a part of it than the Deliverance album.

Oh and of course, look at Tim rock out in the video! The man is just made to rock. God bless Timmy Rogers, the world’s one and only true rock star in a world of clarlatin try hard pigs! Raise your glasses and salute the Jolly Rogers! Our boys are gonna go off this year if I have anything to do with it!

Launch the video on musichead.com.au.