The peoples' democratic blog of Matt Hayward

For thousands upon millions of Luddites, everything in the house is positioned around TV screens.  Everything connects to it, but it really connects to nothing. You can watch anything you like, so long as what you want’s on. And it has all the latest broadcast technology, so long as your local networks offer it. Yet all the little luddites gather around it every night to bask in its cathode glow like Smurfs to a giant fucking blue mushroom every time something with Matt Le Blanc comes on. They know there’s a better way, but they’re hooked on the junk. 5 channels are the white rocks and the TV the spoon and syringe.

So um, I might be one of few, but my TV was born in 1984 and hasn’t been used since about Febuary. And that was only because the computer blew up. It’s fake wood laminate cabinet sits in the corner gathering dust, pretty much just taking up valuable space. I just can’t get over how futile it really is. No matter what bright, shiny new objects they pack in at Harvey Norman, I still don’t see the point. Two years ago, I bought a reasonably big telly and gave it to my parents because I just, meh, have better use for the space. And for that matter, the effect it has on you.

It wouldn’t matter if the TV was new either. It’s not an issue of technology or convergence. I couldn’t give a shit if my TV was brand spankers or leant how to butter toast, or do the dishes whilst I was watching Friends.

Now one for the luddites, there is this setup where, you can get whatever you want, whenever you want (so long as you’re patient), and there’s no ads! Shows never finish mid season, the video tape never runs out, and you NEVER have to set the shitty little clock on the front of it when the power goes out. IT’S CALLED THE I – N – T – E – R – N – E – T.

Especially living in confined inner city spaces, space for a TV and a ‘puter is at a premium. So why not have a computer that does both? Wallah! So here’s few quick facts!

1. A computer can work 24 hours a day for you. Unlike your TV, you can download stuff even when you’re not there.
2. You can have a big arse screen, or two or more, for your computer so you can work on one whilst watching programs on the other screen.
3. You can store hundreds of TV programs on your computer without ever reaching for a DVD or video tape. Save them for on your friggin hard drive. When you fill it up, get a bigger one! They’re about 50 cents a meg!
4. While I don’t like TV convergence, I do like PC convergence. There’s hundreds of lounge room friendly cases out there, many with remote controls like a normal telly. My PC has two remotes.
5. The stuff you download is as good or bad quality as you want. You don’t always need Dobly 5.1 sound. Or if you do . . . Choice is good.
6. Most stuff you get, legitimately or not, is ad free. You will be amazed how contrived and condescending ads are if you don’t watch TV in a while.
7. When an interweb link comes up on the screen, you’re already on the computer. Look it up homey!
8. TV was initially about educating the masses, not overwhelming them with crap about Bennifer so they never ask questions about their reality. It’s amazing how many questions about your reality can be answered when you control your viewing destiny.
9. The computer plays DVDs, receives HDTV and plays all manner of podcasts. Yes there still are times when there is good stuff on. . .
10. With technology like www.youtube.com, viewing practices are changing by the minute. Don’t wait till Naomi Robson gets something on her autocue about it, see it as it happens.

Luddites will happily accept something they’re familiar with. After all, a device that constantly asks you to learn new tricks hardly fills a luddites’ heart with glee. But seeing a whole season of your favourite show (or seeing at all) does. It just saddens me every time they get their fresh, over priced, shrink wrapped DVD they’ve been waiting months for when you’ve seen it six friggin’ months ago! One day every land fill on earth will be full of unloved DVDs. Pretty wasteful if you ask me.

Dang it, give up your Rove, your crappy Bert Newtons, your John Tesh friggin’ medleys of Cadbury’s sponsored super-crap and actually download something riveting. It’s the non-luddite equivalent of reading a book. Because, you know, there’s selectively and objectivity involved in the viewing. I sure hope some people out there give it a try some time, and one day, we can live in a world without Naomi Robson.