The world adores matt hayward

I’d personally, whole heartedly like to thank you for stumbling upon my
favourite pet peeve in your electoral campaign. No doubt hoping to cash
in on the last minute voting hyperbole, you’ve sent out a DVD (assumably
non rewriteable). Mastel Tov! By doing this, you frankly couldn’t have
demonstrated to me any better that you have no true regard for
environmental issues.

You know how on the National Geographic channel and the likes, they do
those digs in Egypt (and what’s left of Iraq after allied forces have looted
the hell out of it), where they pull out relics of ages gone like statuettes
and trinkets. Well, if there is a distant future, all they will be pulling
out is a bunch of DVDs like your movie. Because these puppies are so far off
the bio degradeable mark they will be in landfills for centuries, probably
perfectly preserved no less. I for one don’t want to leave your campaign
DVD to symbolise what short term thinkers we are as a generation.
What better symbolic way of demonstrating that the Liberals truly have
no sound practice let alone environmental policy! It makes me think your
talk of cleaning up the Yarra and desalinisation in your accompanying
pamphlet is equally as pretentious. Because after all, what you clean up on one
hand, you make up with toxic landfill from your promotions on the other. It’s
all about the simple stuff!

Especially given you know about 5% of people will watch your bright,
shiny DVD. But you’ll cash in just by what marketers call ’share of voice’ on
election day, with the zeitgeist. Because they [predictably] want
nothing more than an empty promise and a catchy slogan that’s digestible enough
for Naomi Robson to read off an auto cue on Monday night. Good luck with
them. I’m sure you’ll do exceedingly well. You’ll have to try a little harder
with me I’m afraid.

Your coaster will become useful as a great beer coaster in the Hayward
household for years to come. It’s helped consolidate my belief to be a
more ardent Greens supporter. I more fervently believe more than ever that
voting is a matter of conscience, personal beliefs and making a difference
through minorities.

Anyways it’s been pretty derogatory and hard reading for you up until
this point. So aside from the typos and scathing stuff, can I make a light
hearted suggestion? Can you please just send out the cardboard container
for your DVD, because it makes excellent ‘roaches’ for ‘cigarettes’ that the
more liberal (in the true sense of the word) of us dabble in? But please
don’t bleach the cardboard, it’s unnecessary and chlorine used to bleach
it is rather bad for the environment. I’m sure that will give you grist to
your Greens hating mill, or at least a ‘harumph’ or a chuckle and a ‘pfft
typical’ response. You probably deserve it if you’ve read this far and I
applaud you for being erudite and open minded enough to make it this
far. Maybe you are truly liberal?

Thanks for demonstrating that your party’s actions speak louder than
words.

In closing, could I kindly ask that you leave me off any future mailings
in accordance with the Spam Act the web sites I build have to abide by.
Indeed the Casa Del Hayward is already supplied with ample environmentally safe
toilet paper in the water closet and the lady of the house has recently
purchased a set of matching coasters. We shall be in no need of any
further odd ones. She likes order and consistency - as I do with policies and
actions.

Apologies if you object, but I will be sharing this letter with my
colleagues via my blog.