The world adores matt hayward

Oh fateful day (well if that isn’t the gayest start to a blog ever). The other day was a a bit of a wine coup d’etat. In one day, I tasted the Penfolds 1997 Grange and a mid sixties St Henri Shiraz. And it provided a very costly lesson - for some more than others.

By talking about this, i’m probably ruining my chances of any other dumb wine luck. But by finding some dusty labelless bottles being in a shop being sold for charity, I came across the mid 60s St Herni shiraz going for a song. Of course the problem was, with a label, it’s pure speculation. Although everyone I spoke to (a Grange specialist on eBay, the Penfolds customer support line and a posh wine store in town) unanimously agreed on the type and approximate vintage. Not a bad acquisition for a few measily bucks. The verdict was simply based on the markings on the bottle, and lack of a punt at the bottom. Apparently up until the 80s, they used really crappy glue on the labels. So it’s at least that old!

How did it taste? For a wine up to 40 years, just pure simple fruit. No tannins, no jaminess or kerosine  you sometimes get with over aged wines. Only pure, simple, divine and well balanced fruit. A very rare experience indeed.

How does this relate to the Grange? Well the store we were at had it on tasting at a highly reasonable $370 a bottle. Well highly reasonable for Grange considering most stores sell it for $450. A couple next to us pondered for a good 20 minutes and bought a case. Kind of sad when that $4500 could’ve bought literally 450 good reds at this particular sale. No doubt those 12 stunning Granges will impress their friends no end. Suckers.

Yes we tasted the Grange, and it was good. Well, it was a base model BMW good. Highly reliable, well put together and full of badge value, but hardly worth the money good. Drive the equivalent Toyota and you’ll wonder if the money was really worth it for that badge.

The lesson learnt is especially while there is still massive over abundance of good fruit, price doesn’t always mean you’re getting the best. Your pallette is the only thing that can tell you that. Failing that, if you learn a bit about wine, you can find bloody good bargains everywhere, even 40 year old ones!

So next time someone tries to impress you with their Grange collection, point and laugh and tell them you know someone that had a 40 year old St Henri for $1. And he couldn’t care less that it didn’t have a label on it! It’s for enjoying with friends, not to big note yourself to mates! And that’s why big dollar wines will never be worthy of their price tag. They’re just trying to turn wine into the next big dollar watch or Louis Vitton handbag.

N.B. Penfolds reckon the only difference between the St Henri and the Grange Hermitage back in day, was the former was barrelled in old oak, and the later in the new.

Saw this show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival the other week. Let me just tell you, there’s NEVER been more thruth in advertising than in this show. It had levels of nudity that would make the likes of Iggy Pop blush. And while there’s a point to the racism angle which I won’t spoil, it certainly lived up to that front too.

Now onto the actor himself. Phil Nichol is a Canadian that’s more than had his fill of illicit substances. In fact this whole 1 hour show is based around a four day bender he took in Amsterdam. And Nichol stops at nothing to immerse you in his experiences, including live music, running into the audience, renditions of magic mushroom trips, you name it. We were second from the front. Unfortunately for the poor sods in the front row, they were showered in Nichol sweat!

Within 20 minutes of getting on stage, he’s in need of a change of clothes and the pace only crescendos from there! Basically he screams and rants, galavants around on and off stage, and can get very, very wierd - and very, very naked. So if that’s your kind of thing.

For those of you who prefer a stage show like performance, with a plot but plenty of spontinaeity you might want to give this one a crack. It certainly isn’t your take the piss out of whoever sits in the front row, tell some one liners kind of stand up. There’s a plot, there’s a will and there’s definitely a method to his truly out there madness. If you can stand warts and all punk rock, this show is for you. Otherwise, maybe go see Hughesy.

Well Easter certainly was better spent than sitting around the house, arsing about eating chocolate. Bathurst put on a great little 3 dayer of motorsport, without a V8 McSupercar in sight. The only dissapointment being the car i’d driven 800 kilometres to see (the XR6 Turbo) only get a measly 14th outright placing. Here’s the final rankings.

What was the Bathurst International Motorsport Festival? Well there were a few races, Commodore Cup, classic racers, GT cup and of course the Production Car 12 hour. Surprisingly all were cool and good in their own way. Even the Commodore Cup was actually awesome to watch. My personal fav was the classic cars, because with their crappy old brakes and old fashioned grunt (mostly Mustangs, Mazda rotaries and XU1 Toranas) really keep you on your toes. One Mustang left the most bad arsed black skid mark on a ripple strip after oversteering through a corner the driver must’ve crapped himself!

For bragging rights though the GT cup, full of Lamborginis and Porsche GT3s owned. We got a great spot just coming off of Conrod straight where these exotics really had to break, so you got the full aural spectrum. Surprisingly the Lambo Gallardo (when driven hard) sounds like a John Deere tractor changing down; the Ferrari F430 literally farted between gearshifts and the Porsches, were well just, Porsches. Driven by Porsche drivers. Basically a big helping of beige with some creamy beige sauce.

Speaking of aural senstations, the Production Cars didn’t dissapoint. Well except for a Diesel Alfa Romeo that seemed to be running on wind because there was no engine noise whatsoever. Funnily, a few old Celicas were brapping their way around the track, revving their tits off, sounding the way an Alfa used to! So too an old Honda Integra Type R. Bloody brilliant. It was worth the drive just to see this variety of cars, old and new, racing at once.

An old Ford Falcon TE 50, which sadly didn’t finish sounded simply awesome! A delicious rich V8 burble you wish you could bottle and age. Not so an old VY SS Commodore. It just sounded muted and dull. The XR6 Turbos, sadly, didn’t sound so great. The Typhoon F6 version though sounded like Sir Michael Mouse the Third. Quite simply, it was god!

If you’re thinking of going up (if it happens again) next year, Saturday really is the main day. After all, everyone has to drive home on the Sunday! It’s just chock-a-block racing. There were a few wanky glory laps of hot cars and classic motorbikes around the track, not actually racing. Nonetheless if was great eye candy and pretty cool.

Also there was a dirt track for the Crusty Demon motorbike dudes doing jumps and tricks. Having said that, I don’t think they were THE Crusty Demons, but they were bloody good - especially for free!

What really sucked though was I swear this event was run by communists. Because they seeminly had NO interest in getting money. There were canteens closed, no EFTPOS or ATM facilities, very few Mr Whippy vans or Concession stands and only one Jack Daniels sponsored bar (that wasn’t really accessible. It was a 10 minute walk wherever you were) serving booze. So if you do come, come cashed up. Because otherwise you’ll have to get a pass out and go back into town.

Would I go again?
Hell yeah! For $55 for 3 days, despite the Communist proliteriat giving me the shits, it was just fantastic. The crowd isn’t too bogany and the racing is just awesome. You can access at least half of the track (you can even camp there) and see some great thrills and spills and diversity in motorsport.

Only recommendation is book hotel accomodation in advance or camp. Because I had to stay in the most expensive, misery guts, crappy motel of my life - AND paid 5 times more than mates who stayed in pubs at around $25 a night each.

Roadtrip tips
Best meals of the trip were the Knickerbocker Hotel in Bathurst (massive steaks and a great seafood platter). They serve the pub grub of country legend. For lunch the best was the Cowra Smokehouse, which served a lamp wrap worth marrying.