Good news. Weve just got ourselves a Seat Ibiza rental car to drive around in. But the real revelation is that driving in Croatia is like having Keith Moon as a personal chauffeur: spontaneous, fun, but genuinely terrifying.

Its good news because until this point, its been a relentless melee of crack of dawn ferries, jetlag and countless steps to the top of every Dalmatian hill - of which believe me there are several. Even if every street corner here had a lard coated Krispy Kreme store, it wouldn’t make a lick of difference to the locals’ waist lines. The locals walk up more steps in a day than you’ve had hot dinners. It’s an old town thing and it gives everyone a view. So that old addage about women in comfortable shoes is not true here. You do a lot of uphill walking!

Dubrovnik was worth the price of admission alone. The bus drivers make Fangio look a bit soft getting to the old town, but when you walk the city walls, it’s all worth it. Just a stellar view. It’s a fifteenth century walled town, but unlike other Dalmatian cities, each and every stone has been polished. It’s a real site to behold at night.

Rest assured if these walls make the place sound like a fortress, two bars permiate the walls Buža (as in boozer) I and Buža II. You literally can buy a drink and then sit with your feet in the Adriatic and watch the sun go down. Go for a swim even! And just sit back and trip over the view and those grand old city walls staring back at you.

All the tourist books say you can do Dubrovnik’s old town in a day. Well I could do Jessica Alba in a day, but I definitely make her breakfast in the morning. Dubrovnik and Jessica at least share this honour. Nuff said. Walking the city walls would take at least 4-6 hours. So at a bare minimum, do that.

If you come, about four days in Dubrovnik would do you nicely. The old town is an electic delight of relics, restaurants, modern shops and galleries. The restaurants are highly bearable (sorry no truly breathtaking, Epicurian delights to be found here), even enjoyable. If you like simply wandering around and taking it all in, you could easily spend a few days just doing that. Then a few more days exploring the local islands.

Out of the old town, it’s pretty business as usual, sleazy everyday life. Especially in the new port. So you only really need to go there for many of the ferries. One trip well worth spending a few Kunas catching a ferry to the Paklieni islands. Particularly Šipan which is so old school, it looks like Sicily in The Godfather movies. Ferries to the islands are available for pennies and make for a great day out. We also caught a catamaran to the island of Miljet, which is a full days trek to say the least. More about that later.

Right now were in Split. It’s about half way up the Dalmatian coast and a big city. Kind of like Geelong with a healthy dash of proscutto and garlic. I say that because the local grub is a tad derivative and Italian inspired. Weve managed to avoid shopping so far, but its caught up with us here with a vengance.

Split has all this Diocletian castley stuff, gothic ruins, bits of columns, all that bollocks. Frankly its more underwhelming than I expected. But its fun. The new parts of Split are very, very cruisey and slick. Kind of more like youd think Scandinadia would be. Being a big town, the shopping is pretty darn good. I even managed to find a Motorhead CD!

Eating in Split was far more a cultural experience than the Diocletian ruins. Buffet Fife just out of town is a place where sailors, international bogans and locals alike can indulge. Casting aside the bog standard black squid risottos and pizzas, Fife offers goulash, Dalmatian meatballs and game meat and guaranteed enlightenment from the locals and fellow tourists you dine with. A gastonomic highlight so far.

Next were off to the Politviće national park on the mainland, and a seven day jaunt in the Seat. So expect a full update and a road test. How I wish Keith Moon was still around for this journey. . .