The world adores matt hayward

Today was not a day for convertibles. Dry, dusty wind had me lusting for a big German luxo barge like an Audi A6 to thrum down the highways in, totally oblivious to the weather conditions. Sadly it wasn’t meant to be. After meandering through the rental car companies, it was down to either a Facladore or a Magna or the ever more alluring Saab convertible. Yeah sure it’s more Elton John than David Beckham, who cares!

So let’s get straight to the neddies. It might have the most subtle boost gauge I’ve ever seen, but the performance is far from subtle. Saab’s four cylinder feels as bullet proof as the Falcon 4.0 straight six - a real surprise. It just doesn’t feel like a four banger. An automatic I can live with too. Sure an auto and a turbo front driver are never a good combination, but despite subtle auto indecisiveness under duress, the power delivery isn’t too shabby at all. And believe me, it doesn’t mind revving out in first gear.

From a standing start it’s not so impressive thought. But floor the puppy at sixty and there’s a big rush of power. Class leading overtaking power in fact. Like the Seat we drove not long ago, there’s nothing really below two grand (call it the auto transmission with a touch of turbo lag). This thing must be purpose built for power on the autobahns and not the 60kph B-roads.

Handling wise, it takes the bumps fairly smoothly. Easily one of the most comfortable cars (especially for a convertible) I’ve driven. It’s rigid with minimal body roll despite the lack of a tin roof. Sadly though, turn in is wrecked by Saab’s dogged dedication to front wheel drive. It makes the car a bit skittish on turn ins and not as relaxing a ride as it deserves to be. Thankfully it isn’t equipped with run flat tyres, so the ride’s firm and sporty but very comfortable.

If you ever needed more validation that this car was designed for beach roads and autobahns, drive down Melbourne’s tram tracked roads. The steering wheel darts around with the fervor of a Labrador at a Wiggles concert, as it’s limited slip diff jolts for grip on tram tracks. It’s a dog’s breakfast!

This car was a 2007 model, but it doesn’t have the updated Priscilla Queen of the Desert headlight treatment going on. And to be honest, it looks quite long in the tooth for it. Albeit sit in it for 10 seconds, and you’ll see where half of the finer Commodore points came from. They’ve taken heaps of styling queues from Saab - namely the hand brake and the cup holders. But the Fishermans Bend boys still haven’t come close to what Trallhatan have achieved here.

Fit and finish is where the Saab truly excels. No fiddly interior features, no unnecessary bells and whistles, but a cohesive place to be. Heaps of leg room, excellent seats, great plastics and leather, all put together very nicely. Everything looks bespoke to the car. No afterthoughts or after market switches. Everything is seamless like good Danish furniture. These touches mean the car could really grow on you.

All in all i’m not a Saab convert. The power isn’t usable enough and the front wheel drive isn’t for me. But if you want to know what the inside of your Holden will look like in 10 years, love overtaking and want to see how much like a big six a little four can be, get yourself a 93 turbo now.

FINALLY! A dream come true! Ever since i’ve caught onto Nardwuar the Human Serviette, i’ve wanted to hear him interview Turbonegro. And just this week he has. Hank Von Helvete was interviewed on the road in Canadia.

Sadly, Nardwuar didn’t sound as well researched as he normally is. He only played tracks off of the latest album (Retox) and really only asked questions about the lyrics. Especially given even the most garagey of bands he usually has encyclopedic knowledge of. Ba Boom!

But Hank was in top form as always! Claiming he is Danish Royalty and is forbidden from public rest rooms, and hence has a weekly enema clinic visit! He also answered questions about his exercise routine from the Party Animals DVD, stressing the importance of ‘working out your neck muscles, so you can give head at your local gym’.

Having said all that i’ve probably spoilt it. Disappointing that maybe Turbonegro aren’t so big in Canada. But that’s never stopped Nardwuar before. This interview is a must for any Turbonegro fan. Although this Metal Hammer interview with Hank and Happy Tom is waaay better.

Turbonegro interview by Nardwuar

Why would I go there?
Something for everyone and by European standards, it’s still quite cheap. But really it’s because of the untouched beauty. It may seem like they haven’t built anything in 50 years, but the place is just manifest with great beaches, diving, pristine water, you name it. Hvar and Zadar are the places for parties. But we went in shoulder season when it’s absolutely dead!

For nerdy types, there’s plenty of archaeology, roman ruins, museums, churches, art, culture. Most towns, especially Hvar, Rovinj and Korcula are very big on art too.

What’s the weather like?
Bloody hot actually. You will get burnt in the sun. Those of you from Australia will know that other countries can get hot, but you don’t get sunburnt. You will in Croatia, so take care.

How much money do you need?
Including B&B accomodation perhaps 600 to 800 Kuna (say $150-200 AUD) per day if you’re travelling as a couple. More if you’re drinking! Less if you’re staying in backpackers.

A decent restaurant lunch with beer for two would cost well under 200 Kuna (approx $45). Dinner a little more, maybe 250 Kuna. If you went to a supermarket and bought some sandwich meat, bread rolls and fruit, you may spend about 60 Kuna ($15 AUD).

A slice of pizza (you can get that anywhere) and a drink would be about 20 Kuna. You will tire of pizza very quickly. In Zagreb, you can get a quarter of a pizza for 9 Kuna from the bakeries! Very tasty!

Spirits and mixed drinks are a bit more expensive. Perhaps 30 Kuna a drink.

Is it worth renting a car?
Definitely. But it’s left hand drive. So if you haven’t driven LHD cars before and you don’t have a travelling companion don’t! You definitely need a navigator and someone to help keep your wits about you, otherwise it will make your holiday very, very stressful.

With Economy Car Rentals, we were about to get a reasonably decent size hatchback for around $60 AUD a day fully insured. They were by far the cheapest and we have no complaints.

Petrol costs around $2 AUD a litre. All the highways have lofty tolls as well. Which are well and truly justified by the smooth 130 KPH speed limits.

What’s it like driving there?
Croatians are excellent, courteous drivers - compared to the Italians! Be mindful that the highways are quite new, and if you intend to go inland, to Bosnia, or especially Montenegro, it will cost you more money. Mainly because the roads are skinny as hell and very poorly surfaced indeed. Stick to the main roads and highways within Croatia and you should be right.

What about scooters and motorbikes?
Highly recommended and a great way to get around the beach towns. Highlight of our trip was spending a day on a scooter in Korcula and finding beaches all to ourselves!

50CC scooters are everywhere in Split, Hvar, Korcula and Rovinj and all beachy places. It costs about 150 Kuna a day ($40 AUD?). If you want a four stroke 125CC scooter or bigger, you will need a motorcycle licence. There’s not much on offer in between.

Escpecially in Hvar, we noticed plenty of bikers ride in from as far away as Sarajevo. Roads are very bike friendly!

Any places to avoid?
Rijeka is a bit of an industrial town you may have to drive through. If you’re only interested in beaches, partying and cruisy resorts, stay between Split and Dubrovnik. Because it’s a lot colder up north.

Sadly Zagreb was a bit of a dissapointment. I wouldn’t say don’t go there, but I wouldn’t recommend it either. It’s a bit beige.

More to come as I think of it. If you have any questions about the place, let me know and i’ll see if I can cover it here!

Well it’s finally happened. I’ve decided that if the meek will inherit the earth, I won’t be joining them. And I certainly wont be running Vista. It’s not that I don’t like Windows XP Mr Gates, i’m just awful tired of using it for the last four years.

If you’re going put money into anything right now lap top wise, there’s no easy decision. You’d have to wait 4-8 weeks for an Apple MacBook Pro. That’s unless you want the rather pricey 17 inch model which will damn near cost you 5 grand with a 3 year Apple Care Protection Plan. If you do find a 15″, or wait, it will come out a lot closer to four large.

The issue really is that the 17″ model is just too plain large for portability and too expensive. So Apple can’t meet demand for the fully spec’d 15″ model. And in reality, the 15″ has a longer battery life (from a better screen) and maybe ONE USB port difference for the moula. Not great value really.

However if you do opt for another Windows laptop, don’t get yourself too comfortable. Premium manufacturers like ASUS have some arrangement to still ship Windows XP (not Vista). Their motivation is Vista doesn’t support enough hardware OR software at the moment.

Mainstreamers like Toshiba still ship with Vista. A mate of mine has had one for 3 months. He’s saying that salient burning software NERO doesn’t work on it. And other random spooky things started occurring like windows closing while his typing. So all you can really do is keep accepting those random software updates, until hopefully, one breaks the Gremlin’s back and magnanimously fixes everything. Not likely.

One thing’s for certain. Try and avoid buying a laptop at this very present moment!

So to cut a long story short i’ve had to make a very emotional decision for what should be a very rational purchase. I went the Mac because I have a PC for nerdy, servery stuff. I can afford to take a punt on a laptop. Oh and the Mac will run Windows XP. But it’s not about taking the punt. This works! More news later space cadets.

As my travelling companion just crudely retorted, no im not the slightest bit interested in footy at home - PERIOD. When im overseas however, it pulls on my little ocker heart strings.

Yesterday wamdering around the Croatian capital of Zagreb we found an expat pub called the Old Pharmacy Pub. We popped into check it out and they had what appeared to be something from the Hawthorn Hawks footy team on the walls. Au Contraire. It was the Zagreb Hawks footy team, playing in the local Aussie Rules leagues.

Locals would be handy at the game too. They come in two sizes. Five foot five and stocky, or big and built like a brick supermarket. Chuck in a crazy war vet and I reckon youd have a quality game of footy id happilly watch. Not like that contrived crap they syndicate at home.

As the trip nears to an end, we find ourselves in the Croatian capital of Zagreb. It’s the kind of city that you get when you have a communist hangover but you’re rapidly getting drunk from a big cask of cheap capitalist fruity wine at the same time. In other words, it’s quickly gentrifying. It feels like in ten years time, it will be a completely different, totally repainted city. But there’s still plenty of sleaze and grey to go around.

Theres many great things to say about Zagreb though. The shopping is pretty good, evident in the women who are really fashionable and evidently good looking. There seems to be a bit of nightlife (too knackered at the end of a day of walking to find out). My traveling companion has had no trouble finding good fashion. For me, i’ve found some awesome music stores here - even some hard core metal.

Guide books tell you that there are some expensive restaurants here even by London standards. Sadly we’ve had our fill. Nothing to report on there. The food we have tried is good, heaps of truffles around too, but nothing to write home about.

On the bizarre side, every day at noon, they fire a canon out of a tower window so people can set their watches to it! It’s just kinda done out of wacky tradition now, but hey, so is the English royal family!

Again the public transport makes rally drivers look soft. They have these 3 carriage blue trams that roar along at thrice as fast as those in Melbourne. I was almost ran over by one today just walking down the street. Just like that kid Screech, I was saved by the bell.

For the artisans, theres plenty of museums and galleries. Some bona fide masterpieces too with paintings from Renoir and Manet. But for the love of god, if I see one more fifteenth century gold painting of Jesus or the Virgin Mary, bah! Unlike Split (Diocletian who retired there was a Pagan), its ALL Christian stuff. Hundreds of paintings and paraphernalia. I saw one Pagan cup in the Museum Omimara today. And by default, it was a highlight.

A highlight of Zagreb is 20th century sculptor Mešhtrovič’s (Mesh-tro-vish) home. We saw his humble mansion in Split too, but his home in Zagreb just defies all superlatives. Until I found out about this bloke, I thought sculptors were frankly a bit soft. Mešhtrovič has changed that forever. He designed this house, made most of the furniture in it, and even designed the al-fresco mural one of the ceilings (he had to call in a mate to actually paint it though). He was a bona fide architect, artist, painter, sculptor and for all intents must have been a bloody good engineer. All this from a bloke that in Vienna couldn’t get his degree because he never even attended elementary school.

Zagreb is a bit of a surprise. Certainly not the cleanest or best culinary experience of the trip, but worth visiting for a few days. I just hope you like museums. But you’re probably better off sticking to the beaches.