The peoples' democratic blog of Matt Hayward

As a recent trip to Ezard proved, fine dining is actually pretty easy. Dress all your staff in black, have them breathe hot air down your neck about the Argentinian fine grain, hand groomed, organic alfalfa garnishing your plate and charge several hundred dollars for the privilege. Serving good, consistent cheap food you’d kill your mother for is a shade more difficult. Thankfully Melbourne has some dead set winners. Here are some favs for lunch.

Rose Garden BBQ – Elizabeth St Melbourne. Past all the motorbike shops and just before the Vic Market, you’ll find the ducks hanging in the window and the hordes of mostly people Asian (a good sign let’s face it) queuing outside to get in. Double happiness must have something to do with their $8 spicy chicken ribs. Sublime doesn’t describe this plate of crunchy fried wings and rice drenched in spicy duck and pork dripping. And it’s quick too. Just get yourself there before the 12.30 rush.

Giraffe cafe – Lt Lonsdale St. This super cute cafe run by suitably super cute staff serves amazingly good coffee. With a minimal kitchen, they always seem to pull out some great specials and great quality food from nowhere. Their chilli con carne tortilla for $8 or so simply blows my mind. At night they do a great trade with deserts such as tiramisu too.

Central Club Hotel. Quite possibly the only $10 pot and parma left in Melbourne it’s the epitome of cheap but blissfully cheerful. Opposite the Vic Markets, the publicans have looked after us for years now and they really know something about running a great pub. This is the pot and parma (the holy grail of Melbourne pub culture if you’re not from around here) you lust for when you’ve been out of the country for a while. Great characters and great times and all are welcome, but definitely not a nouveau riche gastro-pub. I hope to god they keep it that way too.

Town Hall Hotel – Errol St, North Melbourne. Littered with proper rock memorabilia from Iggy Pop to the Stones, with a healthy mix of kitsch, heaven would be something like this bar for me. Despite the surrounds their $18 parma sounds like a big ask. But this is a proper chicken parma made of whole chicken breast with no short cuts taken. Oh and there’s optional pineapple for those who like that kind of thing. Not cheap by any stretch but I’ve paid a lot more for a lot less in other places. Parma, and rock, heaven.