The world adores matt hayward

Ages ago, I wrote an open letter to Kim Beasley. It was in order to keep a law going to allow the open slather importing of vehicles, mostly from Japan, aged 15 years old or more.

This law was setup because they, the Liberal government, thought it would put an end to the slew of Silvias and Skylines on the roads. Well it didnt. In their finite wisdom, they forgot to check that most of the cool cars of the moment (Nissans: 300zxs, Silvias, Skylines, GTRs; Mazda MX5s and the first of the VTEC Hondas) all came out in 1989-1990, you guessed fifteen years ago.

Well my letter was in vain. The law was abolished and now they’ve decided only cars made up to and before 1988 can be imported open slather. Bugger.

There are two poignant facts we have to live with now this rule is over. First, there was a bit of insanity in the 15yo rule. It was making fast and unreliable, twin turbo cars affordable to dramatically more people. Some nutter chick a while back bought a twin turbo Nissan 300zx coupe on her 18th birthday. She pretty much got straight on the Western Ring Road in Melbourne and put the right clog to the floor and was doing 240kph by the time the cameras caught her. Now in anyone’s language, that’s just insane.

In a strange way, i’m kinda glad it’s over. There are far better ways for societies fuckknuckles to kill themselves. No need to waste a perfectly good car over them.

Secondly, when you look at the import sites now, there really aren’t that many cars to crow about. J-Spec are trying to push the V35 Skyline and more kosher, SEVs compliable motors. These cars are kinda cute, but not worth getting wet over. You can tell that most of them are just trade-ins from Nissan dealers. There not exactly straight out of a tuning shop or some hot rodder’s garage. You’d be better off now buying a locally delivered and manufacterd Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo.

High Performance Imports magazine are of the opinion that since the late 90s, Japan have given up on the turbo performance market, and it’s becoming more and more self evident in the import yards. What’s left of the import motors will be run into the ground by anyone that can get their hands on them though, that’s for sure.

Then there’s the final nail in the coffin. www.yahoomotorsport.com, seem to have gone on a huge arsed binge and bought every last 15yo import they can get their hands on. His holding yard in suburban Adelaide, must look like a refugee detention centre for unloved Japanese cars. In their current stock, rust is rife and high kilometres a-plenty. I’m not dissing Yahoo motorsport though, they seem to be very much ‘what you see is what you get’, but is it worth the getting any more? Sadly no.

Well, she’s almost up to 5000km and she’s doing fine. The Turbo’s a great car for the money, but hey it ought to be and there’s a few intollerable differences I am really pissed off with.

First of all there are really ugly looking panel gaps between the drivers’ side quarter panel and the door. The panel fit is slightly jagged and a little off. There are subtle panel fit quirks elsewhere too. Secondly, the back bumper (perhaps it’s because my car is the metallic silver), in broad day light, looks really badly painted.

Now for the biggest gripe of all. The intercooler to air intake pipe. That blow off valve sound I mentioned when I first got the car, was the hose clamp bursting and the host itself coming off of the intercooler mounts. The car left the factory like this! After several failed attempts, we managed to get this clamp to hold and i’ve had no trouble since. With this clamp off, the acceleration is laclustre to say the least as the intake sucks in warm engine bay air and the intake goes to waste. When the clamp does what its meant to though, vive la difference. It fucking canes!

Apart from all these issues, the six speed is fantastic for highway cruising. It only has manners when you roll along in sixth. Even fifth has decent pickup throughout the rev range. Fourth gear is just plain rude on the highway if you’re trying to stick to the limits. Put simply, you don’t have to struggle with gears to make use of all that torque.

Ultimately, 46 grand might not be a lot of money to some to spend on a car. To others it may be a king’s ransom. But you should get decent paint and panels at any price on a domestically made car. So too a decently made 5c hose clamp. Work out these quirks and you’ve got what must be one of the most enjoyable, if not remarkable, big family sedans in the world.

Those lucky Swedes and Scandinadians get to do it on icy lakes. Porsche and Audi will take their customers out on drive days on frozen Artic lakes. And with the help of our good mate Kevin Flynn, you can do it at the Police Training complex in Atwood. About 25 minutes from the Melbourne CBD. It’s the skid pan and it’s full of slideways goodness!
 

What is a skid pan you ask? It’s a concrete circle about 150 metres in diameter, kept wet with 90% water, 10% oil to keep that dreaded traction from kicking in. And because we don’t get black ice on call, the coppers decided it was imperative that they learn to drive a toey V8, rear drive pursuit car in slippery conditions. Coppers get to do it as part of their training in high speed pursuits. Some get to do it for education, and some crazy bastards get to do it for fun. The best thing is that the oil stops your tyres from frying and you loose virtually no tread whatsoever. But afterwards the oil all over the car looks like you’ve been through a bonfire in Baghdad.
 

There was a pretty broad spectrum of cars there: a twin turbo Supra, s13 Silvias, a few modded Skyline R33s and an S14 Silvia. Despite prior experience, everyone looses it and does the 180, occaisonally doing a few donuts to vent your spleen at stuffing it up yet again. It takes more than a few goes to get this right. Although most were modified, some of the best slides and sounds came from an automatic, non turbo S13 Silvia. So it’s not all about the grunt.


Letting rip in a car with Kevin, he whips any car into a centrifugal frenzy with pin-point accuracy. "Does your mum know you drive like this?" I asked, pinned with inertia to the B pillar. "Know? She taught me!" replies Kev’. I dunno what his mum was trying to escape from, but he’s learnt well, and so have I. He demonstrates a kind of no fuss, no worries ease that can only come from thousands of hours of practice. Yet still has you thinking "smart arsed bastard!". But he’s not cocky. He’s here to teach and by the end of the day, you end up learning a lot about throttle control and a lot more mindful about how good you really are when the slip hits the fan. Turns out practice really is everything. But thankfully, it’s a load of shits and giggles as well. When are they putting the skid pan into Gran Turismo 5? Kevin Flynn’s Driver Dynamics can organise a day on the skids for you. This day was on behalf of Nissansilvia.com and was something many of them came back a second time for. Given notice he can organise drive days for clubs, corporates or even car companies to flog their wares. Check out their web site and tell ‘em Crazy Bob sent ya. I can now finally vouch for how much fun learning to drive can be. And no mum. No one lost an eye.

Well, the corporates have done it again. Here’s Subaru’s latest attempt at punishing ardent brand loyals with plain ugliness

Sadly, I think that some wanker crashed a meeting Fuji Heavy Industries (Subaru’s parent company), probably from GM and said, “Hey! you’ve gotta make it look like the new SUV!”. Which kinda looks like this.

This comes at a time when Mitsu have recently released the Evo 9, which ditches the ugly corporate nose. But instead of things getting better across the board, they simply pass the batton to the next corporate schmo who goes and fucks up the next car. What’s next? Bentley will release an SUV at the insistance of some majority shareholder that ever car in the range now MUST be equipped with the same huge, ‘corporate face’ grille? Please someone stop this!

I’ve just taken delivery of a new xr6 turbo falcon and my god it’s fantastic. The power is beyond incredible. Equally bad the temptation to let rip with some power on oversteer. Picked it up a few hours ago and you still can’t get the smile off of my face. Done about 5o kms and it’s drank a quarter of a tank. Thank god I don’t pay for the fuel! More shortly.

OK. So I had a quick blat in the car last night and have a few things to say

Gripes
- the ‘Auto headlights’ setting? What the hell is that about? Sounds like the answer to a question that was never asked to me!
- some interior plastics like the stereo controls and door handles feel a lot cheaper and chintzier in the Mark II Falcon than its predecessor. Looks like cost cutting at work and feels dissapointing!
- WTF is with the manual gearshift??? I could house a small family between the throw between first and second gear! My left arm will definitely be catching up to the right arm in strength now! It feels like they could’ve made it a short shifter but thought ‘nah mate, this is a bogan car. It needs a big throw to make you feel like a maaaaan’. It sucks.
- You can drive it nice. But man does this thing suck back the juice. Many would probably find a V8 more economical!

Likes
- the Interior with it’s blue illuminated dials etc is COOL. It looks absolutely awesome at night.
- Dunno about the car pulling cleaning away in fifth gear, but it certainly does in third with the slightest of shudders
- ‘Lightning Strike’ silver is definitely the range topping colour.
- Ample torque a plenty. Plant your foot in any gear and you will get pretty nimble acceleration.
- Awesome exhaust note. Not far removed from a V8, though doesn’t quite have the burble and rumble to it.
- Has a slight blow off valve sound, but haven’t quite worked out the way to trigger/not to trigger it yet. Cop bait in the waiting!
- Driver’s seat is a lot more comfortable than it looks.

My god how mundane the motorshow was this year! By and large every manufacturer felt a bit like they were offering reheated leftovers from last year. All the concepts of the past 5 years were here in the flesh as ready-to-order hotties. As one particular driver said “It wasn’t a motorshow, it was more like the Woolie’s [shopping centre] car park”.

One highlight was the absolute dregs of humanity, with barely a unique chromosome (or tooth) between them, gawking at the Maybach. You would not believe how much admiration for a fully reclining rear seat. It was almost as if the Maybach was only there as an idiot deterrent to the BMW stand. And by god was it effective.

Was lucky to have a sit in a Peugeot 206 GTI 180 and man what a snug fitting glove. It was good to get the chance to experience the French mark in the flesh. The 180 is the epitome of the drivers’ car rocket ship that you so rarely get these days. Nothing remarkable you couldn’t find at your dealer but meh.

Of all the prestige cars on display, it’s remarkable that even the biturbo V12 AMG CLK roadster and the Jaguar XJ have plastic door handles!? You’d think for $200K + you’d get chrome!

All that glittered that actually impressed me was the Range Rover stand. Their rides REALLY looked impressive with supercharged sports versions this year on big 19″ rims. Good to see the Brits getting with the times.

There was some interesting local product though. Some Perth company that make superchargers had an awesome Magna AWD package for around $50K. It looked like the ultimate sleeper.

Two concept cars that at least filled the bright, shiny object void were the Ford GT and the Honda pseudo NSX called the Honda Sports Concept (HSC). The big Ford really was a player and looked equally impressive on the rotisserie as it does on paper. ANd we can only hope and pray the Honda makes it into production, as it really stepped up to the plate in taking the more sedate NSX into exotic supercar territory. Not that the NSX looked bad but the doors on this thing and the cut of its jib have to be seen to be believed.

Toyota were so desperate, they send out monkami people movers from Japan, showing the latest concepts in invalid care. Surely there’s a more appropriate trade show for this . . .

Naturally there were Ferarri’s and Fords but sadly not a lot else worth mentioning. To make it really obvious this show was for the kids and not the ‘big boys’ was even the Victoria Police had a stand. It’s great to know that the speed camera money is going into even faster cars for the cops, and not something useful, like you know, hospitals or health care. You know useful stuff.

Sorry guys, this years show was a fizzer. If I wanna see invalid vans and human gene pool dregs, i’ll go to a chemist in Cranbourne. Thank god I didn’t have to pay to get in.

** an open letter emailed to Kim Beazley and Simon Crean 21/02/05 3:54pm **

Mr Beazley and Mr Crean,

Jim Lloyd’s imminent changes to the importation laws regarding 15 year old vehicles are big-business biased, anti consumer and small business.

Importers of such vehicles ensure the strictest of compliance with these vehicles and ensure Australians have the best possible vehicles on offer. That and the fact that a fifteen year old foreign vehicle is by and large far safer than an equivalent domestically delivered vehicle. Especially given that the crux of cars being imported are more prestige German and Japanese vehicles.

Without alternatives to domestic vehicles, big business can continue to dish out whatever product they see fit for the market, knowing the average consumer has little alternative. Look at your Holden Statesman or BA Ford Falcon to see how much local product has had to improve since smaller importers started offering excellent, international spec vehicles entered the market at similar prices in the past 5 years. The big 3 Australian auto manufacturers must be scared to admit that a 15 year old Japanese import can be of similar standard to current domestic Australian sold vehicles.

I for one don’t want to see the quality and safety of our vehicles regress any further just to increase the profit of auto manufacturers. Look at our neighbours such as Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore and see just how stagnant, and low standard, their new car market is. There’s very little affordable middle ground between say Proton and BMW. I’d rather not see this happen here considering we’re not the most populous market for auto manufacturers.

Diversity in the market place is the only way to keep the manufacturers honest and industry profitable. Allowing importation of so called grey imports was a big wake up call to the industry, but the economy has benefited. According to NineMSN Carpoint, Wheels and Motor magazines (copied in on this mail), last year was one of the most successful years in new car sales in Australia on record. So how can Mr Lloyd argue these small-time private importers have had anything but a positive impact on the local motoring industry? Whose pocket is the Liberal party in to change these laws? It’s not as if you can salary package or novate lease a 15 year old vehicle like you can a new car, so what’s the impact on the big manufacturers? That [novated leasing] is under current tax laws the only real viable way for many white collar workers to afford a new vehicle.

I beseech of you to maintain the 15yo import laws, set to end March 1 2005. Like many car enthusiasts, I fear any more change to these laws will lead to further stumbling blocks to grey import laws for the consumer and more watered down domestic product. They are the only way to keep the big manufacturers honest, making sure that Australian drivers get affordable vehicles of internationally high standards and demand that domestic products matches them. Not to mention keep in business thousands of Australians (such as Prestige Motorsport and J-Spec, blind carbon copied on this email) lawfully providing these vehicles who have worked hard to establish their niche.

END

Links to Local Grey Importers:
Prestige Motorsport, Perth
J-Spec, Melbourne

Brands are an ever pervasive means these days of polishing a turd into something more palatable. Basically you want a car within your means, but you still have desires. You want to express something about yourself in your lethargic 5 door econohatch. So if you’re the manufacturer, why make a better car when you can make a better badge? Enter Chevrolet UK, and it’s not what you’d expect.

Chev’s UK range (as of Feb ‘O5) are rebadged Daewoos, that have been selling in the UK for some time now. They’ve sold in moderate volumes in the land of the rising Turnip, but not well enough to keep Daewoo afloat. Given that ‘The General’ had invested so many green backs into the Korean being a global success, it had to do something. Being American, naturally making a quality product didn’t appeal to them (Ask an American about their normal cars, you’ll find out what I mean). So maybe giving it a more aspiration brand instead would work? Dang! The General’s done it again!

In North America, Chevy means 2 1/2 tonne powerful, luxurious SUVs like the Tahoe and the Suburban. Vehicles that are so ridiculously only viable in the US and wouldn’t sell in volumes anywhere else in the world. With trucks like that, Chevy is about nothing more than overt, conspicuous consumption and that all important power. In the UK, Chevy now means tarted up Daewoo compacts with a cute bow tie on the front.

Is Chevy, like many corporations, becoming too audacious? Andy Carroll, Chevrolet UK’s Managing Director beckons “We are proud to be introducing a global brand with such heritage and strength to the UK market. We have been encouraged by the awareness that people in the UK already have of Chevrolet”. Introducing?! INTRODUCING?! What have they been watching Coronation Street on repeat for 50 years? I think we all know the Chevy brand from every US TV show and movie that’s entered the zeitgeist. Remember the war? A lot of American steel has been hitting Europe since then, but none of them compact little rebadged Korean hatches. At least amongst us blokes, Chevy is a household name for big, heavy stuff. So in my humble opinion they’re going to dilute their brand not sell more compacts.

Chevy only have to look in their own backyard to know that it’s an embarrasment to drive a non-SUV, ‘domestic’ car in the states. Looking at the US Chev web site, their lot’s improving, but only after decades of embarrasment forcing seppos into Carmys and Accords. So when our English chums notice the distinct lack of these compact Chevs on all those chart topping cop shows (CSI and all that crap), aren’t they going to smell a rat? GM had the intelligence not to do the same here and Daewoo all but disappeared for the now.

Now what about compact 4WDs? There’s even more dirt to dig on Chev’s parent company General Motors. If you’ve been reading a car mag in Australia in the past 12 months, you’d know about GM’s Saabaru venture. Perhaps the most wretched hybrid of WRX moxy and Saab designer shoe sense to ever slap you in the face. As WRX owner and precision driver Kevin Flynn attests, “the Subaru is a well built, but noisy vehicle. Even brand new, compared to my old Audi it was rattly and noisy.”

So what does the General do? Put Saab sheet metal on it and try and pass it off as the perfect boulevard-to-chalet cruiser. Basically, take all the sensibility and comfort out of the Saab that appeals to all those Apple Macintosh user types and make them whine as their Evian shakes in the cup holder and their Radiohead CD won’t cover up the engine note. Two niche brands coming together doesn’t make a right. Have a look at the picture of the Saab 92-x judge for yourself. Another branding ‘truimph’ to balance the books. I think it’s probably done nothing but boost Subaru WRX sales stateside.

Less tragically, the Subaru Forrester has been marketed in India and Asia as the Chevrolet Forrester.

On the flip side, it’s amazing to see how an enduring brand can be adopted on a totally unsuspecting populous. A visit to www.holden.co.jp (site in Japanese) shows an independent operation where the Japanese are buying HSV Maloo and SS utes to Tokyo. Perhaps they’re more realistic than corporate America. See American cars do sell in Japan. But no one is offering a sporty, rear wheel drive pick up - well ute. Enter the Holden.

When I asked my Japanese mate Tetsuji Yamamoto about the site, he said “that’s pick up track with sporty body. that’s not in Japanese sense. very interesting car”.

Surely it’s better to introduce a brand with an offering of something fresh and unique than serving the same shit in a different wrapper. But the fact remains, you can’t fool all the people all the time. And the English don’t like collectively taking the piss. Here’s hoping their faces fall flat in their apple pie with Chevy UK. Maybe one day people will wake up to global branding and corporations will have to think about the consequences to their core ‘brand values’ before emptying their bowels on yet another suspecting market.

This article was originally published in August 2003 for the Melbourne Car Club Registry (Melbccr.com). It has since been revised and re-edited.

Suburban trains used be a dangerous place to be when I was still a high school kid. Some of my mates used to go to the Catholic boys’ school at the first station, and some other friends to the tech school at the stop before. Get off at the wrong station in a shiny school blazer and there would be guaranteed biffo.

So here is a coming of two worlds. I am waiting for our old school rep ‘V8GENT’ (his club nickname) and his LX Torana coupé to arrive and our delegate from the new school, Nakedterror to front in his twin turbo Toyota Supra.

As I finish my coffee, I’m wondering whether this coming together was such a good idea. I am fearing aggro. At the end of the street, I hear a V8 idling like a sack of spuds tumbling down a stair well.

Lo and behold, it’s Tim’s beast of a Torana. Even from a distance it’s easy to see old school is still formidable competition for the new. Especially when this much work (and hard earned) has gone into it. Tim clearly doesn’t do things by halves. As a teenager, his mates didn’t think much of the ‘plastic’ Aussie 308 engine. As if to prove a point, he’s balanced, blue printed, fuel injected and AUSCAR spec’d this mutha within an inch of its life. And yes, it’s detuned for the road.

So Chevy power may be not, but this car speaks volumes in terms of grunt. And just in case the new school get nasty, he’s brought some friends along too.

V8GENT’s mates include a mean looking red 350 HQ GTS and a tidy HR Holden in case things get messy. Things are already looking good for the old school. But Nakedterror (Aaron) isn’t coming alone either.

Aaron (nick named ‘Nakedterror’ on the club forums) is certainly a show-up for the books for team new school. Thrust like a school bag in the face of V8GENT, his fully kitted up Supra certainly looks the goods. It might not burble or growl like the old school V8, but the stealthy Supra isn’t shying away from a punch on.

Neither is his new school mate. Craig from J-Spec Imports brought along a full race spec, wide bodied R33 Skyline GTS-T - one of about one hundred in existence. It’s gonna be an interesting cup of coffee. . . Not just the blokes at the table, but the well over 1000 kilowatts sitting in the car park.

All the boys are now sitting down at the table and surprisingly, there’s no bad blood between them. In fact, that’s what everyone agreed that they like so much about Melbccr (Melbourne Car Cruise Registry), that it’s not a ‘cliquey’ car club dedicated solely to one make or era of car.

Brekky is ordered and the new-school boys are straight out interested in Tim’s Torana, parked smack in the centre of a trendy Melbourne  CBD café. The Torry ‘Polar8′ certainly has got around - in a good way. That ballsy five litre V8 sound has been professionally sampled for use in Playstation and PC games. It’s also been used to give Porsche and WRX owners the shits (particularly one 911 turbo driver!).

Unlike the imports, Polar8 is the end product of about five years of toiling for the ultimate Torry. Tim’s had previous cars in magazines before and decided this one really had to be distinct from the mullet brigade. There were two years when there wasn’t the time or funds to put into the project, but he persevered.

When the car was finally on the road, it was a tangerine orange hatch (’AGENTO’ or Agent Orange)… well, that was until fate had sodomised it by way of an errant Fairlane driver trying to catch an amber light, not noticing the light was red and that AGENTO was in front of it. The end result - a total write off. The impact bent the entire drive shaft of the Torana irreparably.

The car had less than 150 kays on it after the complete rebuild. Fortunately, Tim was able to salvage the motor, stereo, interior and most of the cool stuff into another Torana shell and decided this time to keep it simple and keep it white. The end result is no less spectacular than the pre-Ford molested AGENTO.

But Aaron in the Supra is no shrinking violet. The Supra in stock form is a horny beast at the worst of times, but his is subtly modded for performance. Unlike a lot of the ‘ricers’, he’s got far less time for stickers, than he has proper mods (what no neons bro?!). Aside from the 18s and the body kit, and some ECU enhancements [I’ve long since lost the notes from this interview], it’s a relatively mild state of tune compared to the competition. But in fairness, the Supra is a pretty sublime package.

So much so that under acceleration (no I wasn’t that scared Aaron) it feels like Warp Speed being engaged on the Starship Enterprise. “That’s only running at half a bar of boost man!”, shrieks Aaron. Or I think that’s what he said. My hands were getting better acquainted with the dashboard at the time. Suffice to say, new school has substance to back up the style.

The next ride was in an old schooler, the Holden HQ Kingswood. And yep this tank was built for cruisin’.  While I’ve got a whole lot of time for Aaron’s pimpin’ Supra, I am glad for the more sedate cruisin’ experience that only a Kingswood can offer.

Better still I don’t feel like a geriatric old man climbing in and out of the car. Unlike the new school, you sit on a seat. In the Supra, you somehow open the door and the thing cocoons itself around you.

If you like a steering wheel an inch away from your crotch, then you must be new school. But cruising in Justin’s trick HQ felt a lot like home and it reminds me of what cruising is all about: a slow, steady and stylish display of grunt. More Bon Scott than Fred Durst. Am I showing a slight love of the old school here?

But let’s not forget our star performer. Tim’s Torana is the final ride for me. Sitting somewhere between the comfort of the old school seating position of the Kingy and low slung Supra, this Torana stands tall. So tall you really don’t realise how old this car is until it’s parked next to the Supra. But the old girl looks a million, and she goes like two mill’. And as a J-car freak, I’m loathed to admit the old school sure got the lion’s share of the looks.

Hitting the street with Tim, he revs the Torry freely to a lazy four grand and I feel my hands reach for the roof lining. “$#@! me that’s quick!” I said as Tim just laughs. I guess it’s not the first time it’s happened in this car, and thankfully we’re driving me home in bumper to bumper footy traffic. Because this kind of power really does take some getting used to. Not that Supra couldn’t go toe to toe with it, it’s just more refined about it.

If you’re expecting a forgone conclusion here though, that’s not what these guys are about. See, most of the guys (and girls) in this club don’t care what flag you’re flying or where the car’s from. It’s just simply how much you enjoy it and love sharing the experience of cool car ownership (old school or new) with others. No inter-school punch ons here.

Even after a whole day of co-existence between these boys, the most contentious comment said all day was while popping open the bonnet of the Supra,

“Geez nice engine. It would look even better with two extra cylinders!”
"Yeah right and how about a snail on the side of that V8?"

Don’t get any ideas Tim. Thanks for the ride guys. But if it’s biffo you’re after, catch the Belgrave line after school!