The world adores matt hayward

Last time I rented a BMW the world seemed to change. All of a sudden I was driving around Toorak with a Swedish blond named Elin, searching for the Swedish Church, and that was just the 3 Series. But the 3 went back to Hertz and Elin went back to Stockholm. This time around, it’s the brand new Z4 convertible.

Unfortunately the companion this time is a Shanghaiese accountant named Ian, but at least the weather’s good. And this time there’s a Melbccr unofficial cruise to Sugarloaf Dam. So we take off, this time with the mirrors firmly adjusted to the road. Mental note: next time line up girl in advance of getting new convertible.

What really gets you straight away about the Z4 is how damned quickly the roof goes down. Sure you do have to be in neutral with your foot on the brake (with the sun shining over Stuttgart, facing strictly north, north east while . . . you get the idea) but if the suns up, the roof’s down in about 30 seconds with the press of a button.

If only getting in was easier. It’s clearly obvious this car was designed for the steering wheel on the left hand side. The legroom cavity on the left side is noticeably wider than the right side. Which makes the SMG auto a good choice because it would be bloody difficult to clutch. Also you are sitting low. Really low. This is great except when you’re getting petrol (filler cap is on the drivers side. Bad idea), shopping or got any kind of er, hamstring injury. Maybe that’s the real reason the Dukes of Hazzard County jumped in.

One thing I should say though is these are all moot points. This is a sports car. And if you wanted to drive bolt upright, you’d get a Camry.  So I can accept these realities, man there are some high points to talk about. Firstly, those there are those beautiful BMW brakes. They don’t whine, smoke, fade and they never, ever give up. Which certainly comes in handy through the twisties of Warrandyte.

But Beamers have more acronyms that a government specification, DSC, DTC, TLA, FLA and all of them decide how you ride. That is unless you switch them off. The first acronym that you want to switch off is the Driver Stability Control (DSC). Because no matter what situation you get the Z into, the wheels will NOT spin. At speed when you really don’t want to fright Asian accountants though, so I guess every acronym has its place…

The downside to all that assistance is that at speed, the steering feels over assisted. Turn off the DSC and the Bavarian stunner isn’t exactly sideways happy. She still takes a lot of convincing to get her sexy behind out. So if you really want to chew the treads, this might not be for you (this one had a single spinner diff anyway).  No doubt it was never designed for the dorifto squad anyway.

Maybe it’s because this car is still new, but shrinking violets won’t love driving with the top down. This car gets more attention than Shane Warne’s phone bill. It does take a bit of getting used to. The lack of wheel spin is in now way because the beamer is soft up front. She has a delicious burble, almost V8-like at the back, and is very rev happy past 5000 revs. The only problem is getting there in this lumpen 2.5 litre model.

Having said that, a force fed version would be fantastic, but it would probably spoil an otherwise sensational package. Especially given that you don’t want to cover those beautifully crafted panels in rice boy stickers and ‘bling bling’ rims. Well at least everyone who pressed their face against the window on the number 96 tram would seem to think so.

Those wondering how it stacks up against the Z3 (the 2.2 litre model reviewed earlier), they’re chalk and cheese. The 4 feels a lot more involving on the road. Aesthetically, the brushed aluminum dash and console is where any Z3 driver will immediately notice a change for the better. To drive the suspension is on the harder side of firm, where as the predecessor was a little softer. It’s the really perfect blend of agility and looks. Kind of like if Elin was a gymnast – which she wasn’t sadly.

This cars bold, but simple lines are plainly sublime (well except for the pugly front nose), where her rivals are just plain gaudy. And while most Z4s will be scraping Richmond speed bumps, this car can will rise to the occasion quicker than a Viagra in the Playboy mansion. For once the accountant agrees with me, this car truly is sheer driving pleasure.

1. Edit: this article was put up ages ago (circa Jan 2004) for melbccr.com. It copped a lot of flak as to whether it’s a geniune OPC Astra or not. Without divulging too much, you’ll just have to take my word for it. Sure it’s a naff claim, but try and find an Astra with these specifications.

That was when Mohammed (well Modsy for sake of key strokes) threw me the keys to his OPC Astra turbo. Now a lot of good things have been said about the Astra already, so what’s so remarkable about Mod’s? It’s a very rare Opel Performance Cars (OPC) version. Now it’s getting interesting.

Moh’d got the car from her native Germany as a personal import after working there for a while. It’s basically stock except for the 16” stocky rims (the 17”s were cop bait and too expensive on rubber) and some Holden badges. After all, some people don’t want to stand out. And with cops and the EPA ‘dicking’ anything shiny these days, that’s definitely wise. But he has got the Recaro seats, Opel spec front bar and OPC gauges that come with this OPC version (kinda like the HSV of Europe). And these rare puppies are worth their weight in shiny metal objects and monster tachos to a Riceboy.

So anyway, how does it drive you ask? Modsy reckons that the 17’s make a huge difference to the mid-corner handling, but 16’s work well enough in the twisties. Unlike its convertible brethren, you don’t feel every bump in the road. It’s firm yet comfortable. At speed, it’s purely effortless. There’s not a hint of turbo lag and the harsh, Hiace-like whine of the NA motor is replaced with sweet, usable grunt all through the torque curve.

There’s no ‘brrrrr wa-tish’ sound of a blow off valve or melee of sexy VTEC noises, but hey you want sexy sounds, bung on a Barry White CD. It’s very linear, top shelf smoothness that sees you at the end of the tach in no time.

What this car does so well is that effortless grunt that makes you wonder if it’s a turbo at all. While you can at times feel the turbo kick in, this car is so quick off the mark for a stocker you won’t have time to notice it. It would do 0-100 in about 7.5 seconds. I really like the short shift of the 5 speed manual. Unlike the Peugeot and the Honda tested earlier, it’s got the perfect throw (I kept shifting from 2nd to 5 th in the Pug!) and the clutch is a little soft, but just right. She chirps a bit on 16s but Modsy says the 17s appease a lot of that.

Like any good performance car, she stops quicker than Justin Timberlake’s hands at a Superbowl half-time show. There is an ABS system but it doesn’t rob the driver of feel. So too the traction control, which really helps at the traffic light Gran Prix. Nor does the car buck or axle hop to a stop. So brake and chassis wise, this car is the business. Modsy for some reason knows a thing or two about cornering and down the same roads we put the Peugeot through, the Astra could match it 100%. Albeit, there is no real comparison with the Pug. This wasn’t designed to be a rally car, just a bloody good performer.

This car to me feels more like an S15 Nissan Silvia to drive: smooth, capable and likes a good poke more than a Frankston town bike. But that’s where the similarities end. This is probably as good as an Astra gets. You can’t go much harder modification wise, because all that grunt’s going through the front hoops and if she was any more boosted, she’d well and truly be a handful. So the Astra’s more the go if you want something to keep stock standard. It’s not a Rex beater, but it doesn’t set out to be. Dare I say to drive it’s probably more fun. Hell Modsy reckons you can just about drift them!

Would I own one? Hell yes, providing I needed a stock car that wasn’t cop bait and had a weekend car, you can’t get much better! Big thanks to Mohammed for his time! Can’t wait to see your next German import.

It’s pretty easy to rattle the cage of a Honda driver. They tend to be a bit headstrong about their beloved VTEC. It was causing a bit of friction in the melbccr.com car club forums. So we decided to put them to the test. Is the Honda brigade seriously running on hopes and dreams, as so many turbo lovers would suggest?

The gauntlet was laid down to the Honda contingent for a contender. The challenge: to match a Honda against our French connection, a Peugeot 306. Enter Vinh, our Honda owner, who had the gall (more sense of humour) to step up to the plate.

Some of you might laugh at the notion of the Peugeot vs Honda. But this particular Pug came highly recommended by MCCR club loyals the perfect FWD Euro challenger.

Firstly we wanted to make this a clean fight. So both cars have relatively mild mods.

Vinh’s ‘Del Sol’ Honda CRX has mods, but just the cool stuff. “A muffler, intake and alloys are all you really want as a P Plater” He reckons. He’s also fitted some King springs and drilled brake rotors and an arsenal of Clarion sub woofers behind him. But essentially, most of this car’s motorvation is from the stock package. No forged pistons or worked cams.

Enter Alex, our Peugeot 306 owner. Although the Pug was born the base model and unremarkable, a trip to the auctions found him a written off GTI-6 with tip-top running gear. It was an upgrade he just couldn’t say no to. Otherwise except for the 17” ROH rims, it’s relatively stock.

“It was a torquey family car, but it had no power” he reckons of the former 75kw single cam donk, pre upgrade. Now the Pug has a 124-kilowatt, DOHC beasty in front of the firewall.

First ride is with Vinh in the Del Sol Honda. With the rear window down and the targa top open, there is just no better way to hear that trademark VTEC praaaaah kick in. It certainly makes enough noise through the tunnels and skyscrapers of Melbourne.

First thing you realise with this CRX is that despite it revving reasonably freely to the upper rev ranges, VTEC seems to kick in quite late. Quite often when you are just about to stamp on the brakes. For the unacquainted (reading me), it takes a bit of getting used to.

As a passenger, it takes a bit of getting used to. As a driver, you need to know how to use that short-throw gear stick (I find Honda shifts too short a throw personally) to the full to make the most of each throaty rev this sucker puts out. And it’s something that Vinh has certainly mastered.

The CRX is certainly a nice package to be wrapped in (literally) and a good performer. It comes as no surprise that fellow melbccr.com club member Jame’s CRX is soon to be the fastest FWD in Australia. In slightly modified form, she’s a noisy and feisty little package, albeit not to everyone’s taste.

Our Pug on the other hand is surprisingly similar to the Japanese rocket. It keeps up on the straights, has an exhaust note full of praaaaahy goodness. The Pug has a variable length inlet runners thingo (Alex assures me this means something) it uses to get a similar effect to Honda’s VTEC. And like the Honda, just when you think (it sounds like) you’ve hit the redline, you’re only half way there.

How the Pug differs though, is that it has a lot more low-down torque than the Honda. Go from second to fifth (even sixth) and it doesn’t miss a beat.

The steering wheel is about the perfect size (reading small) for fast fangs through the twisties too. Probably the best of any car I’ve driven.

The shifter is also a very short throw, but a bit more fluent to the unacquainted. I am used to the wide throw of the Nissan Pulsar SSS, which is truck like in comparison.

Now speaking of twisties, the Peugeot comes into its own. Where normally you’d steering wheel locking torque steer mid-corner, you get lift-off over steer. She can be pushed round a corner with her arse out worse than on of Sir Mix-a-lot’s girlfriends! Alex reckons it’s because the Frenchies put in equally balanced drive shafts and an LSD. And by god does it make a difference.

The CRX in comparison loves the twisties, but after the Pug experience, feels more like a straight-line car. I’m not quite sure id be so comfortable if the VTEC to kick in mid-corner, whereas the Pug is, for lack of a better word, is less laggy when it kicks in. Albeit I’m a bit biased, as most VTECs I’ve been in were straight up set up for drag racing.

In a straight line, the Peugeot’s, variable intake technology is a bit more noticeable, kicking in at about 3.5 grand. It’s own trademark praaaaah (through a stock pipe, Vinh has the Japanese ‘grapefruit’ style massive muffler) kept ringing it’s sweet symphony in my head for days. Vinh’s CRX has all the subtlety of a Slayer concert in a retirement home – which can be a good thing!

As the Pug’s revs build, Mercedes and Beamers all quite wisely let this French puppy through in a most surprising show of respect. As the French would say, it’s a tour de force and as George W Bush would say, should not be misunderestimated.

For a first timer to Pugtech, VTEC and praaaahtech in general, both cars were addictively sexy sounding, a riot to drive* and just a great experience. But the Frenchy won on the day. And that should rattle the Honda cage for a long time yet.

* Alex would like to thank Con from Muzzatech Performance of Altona for the engine set up on the day. He had been tuning the car by ear all morning.

* The CRX was the less experienced car on the day because of overcast weather. So this story will be continued!

To many it doesn’t seem an appropriate concept that the Japanese would build a mongrel.

After all the conception is that they are striving for perfection and Lutfwaffe-like quality control.

Sure they may not start with a clean slate at the best of times and take the what Germany or the US had started and finish it the Tokyo way, but not many people look at a Japanese car and think of a bitzer.

Well I was lucky enough to own the 1994 Japanese-spec Pulsar N14 SSS. A true gem of a car albeit second hand. This 5 door hatchback, according to the receipt in the glove box was nearly $34,000 brand new. Yes you’re right, you could have had a much, much bigger car than that for the money at the time.

34 large?! How could such a hatch land in Australia for that much moula? Well, if not for the closure of the Nissan factory in Dandenong, which can’t have been a bad thing in hindsight considering the watered down crap they were putting out, it may have never landed on our shores. They simply had nothing else to replace the Dandy spec Pulsar with but what the Japanese were driving - and god Nissan them for it.

In fact it should be noted that the Dandy-Spec Pulsar SSS is a lot shabbier than the Jap Spec. So don’t confuse the two unless you think milk crates constitute furniture.

The Jap spec SSS had side skirts, leather gear stick and wheel, higher trim spec a much better build quality and interior and a general feeling of a well put together piece of kit. I haven’t seen anything come this nice out of Dandenong that wasn’t hot.

Gleaming in black and silver, there was no doubt it was the hot hatch of the time. And to this day still looks a damn site better than the model that superseded it, the N15. Seems people don’t like being called bubble boy, let alone driving a car that will have them condemned as bubble boy forever. And this puppy only came with a five speed manual. No auto slushbox!

With tinted windows, black and silver cloth trim, spots of leather here and there it was tremendously stylish considering how kitsch most car interiors look these days under 40 grand. No day-glow pukey carpet patterns on the seats that look like they were ripped out of an old Greyhound bus or Ansett plane like most cars of the late nineties.

The bit that was the real clencher for me, was new or second hand, it’s hard to find a four cylinder car without a kitschy, slaggy cheap interior. And for the life of me I can’t work out why.

So extending on the bitser thing, yes she was a true mongrel. A true gem of a Nissan engine, the 2 litre SR20DE engine made entirely by Nissan and believe me is bullet proof (the cluth and gearbox, a little more mortal). A body made by Subaru (somehow, don’t know the details but it was) based on a design heavily inspired by the Saab 9000 series. Starting to sound like a bitser, I think so.

Grunt wise, the SR20 donk never disappointed. 104 kilowatts in standard kit (more power on tap with a better air cleaner and cat back exhaust), with only a manual transmission constantly disses Commodore V6 drivers by keeping up with them every inch. V8’s, forget about. But for P-plater thrills, unless your dad is an Indonesian Guerrilla General, this is probably about as good as it gets for most of us. And that’s the second reason why I owned one for so long.

It cost me about 14 large, and I still can’t think of a better car for the money that anyone under 50 can get insurance on (or am I just confessing to a bad record here. . .).

Technocrats might be a bit disappointed. Power windows, central locking extra adjustments on the driver’s seat are about all you get. No variable valve timing, keyless entry (did that exist in ’93?), cruise or climate control. But in fairness this car never felt lacking on features.

On a high note, in city traffic, there is none better than the Pulsar SSS. Comfortable for daily driving, plenty of grunt and just the right size to weave in between gaps in traffic. No turbo lag, just straight out off-the-mark power.

The driving position is sports car low and generally pretty comfortable. Not like the later Mazda 323s where you feel like you’re sitting on a soap box high up there. It gets a bit uncomfortable on long drives, but then again, my names not Sven and I couldn’t work out the Swedish masseur seat thingies on the drivers seat!

It also seats four comfortably without loosing too much higher end grunt and has a deep-as boot that makes you think twice about the merits of beefy Aussie family sedans. Fair enough for 14 large, you could get an Aussie 6 cylinder like a VR commodore or EL Falcon. They are nowhere near as much fun as a car this size. And if you don’t believe me, ask the VX commodore driver that bought it off me.

So what’s negative to say about the mongrel? Well the SR20 engine gets a bit thirsty after 100,000kms. And she likes the premium juice being an import.

Mine had about 120,000kms and would struggle to get 350km per tank on premium unleaded when you were having fun with it. New they got between 400-500km per tank according to people I’d talked to. So they definitely don’t loose the grunt but get expensive as they get older.

But for a mongrel, the SSS does have pedigree. Her big brother, the GTiR is remarkably similar to the Jap-Spec SSS. Except for the bonnet and the extra two doors, when they are parked next to each other, it’s hard to tell the difference. And to any import fan, that is kudos.

Now let’s not forget one important thing about the SSS. It’s front wheel drive, and depending on your perspective, torque steer is either great fun or the great party gatecrasher.

While you get used to it, you certainly don’t get any confidence pushing a SSS hard through twisty up-and-down Esplanade roads. In fact, against an MR2 it pretty much scared me. So you really can’t push her beyond her limits too much, or you will be crudely reminded that while the car is tits, it’s no 200sx. But it’s a lot easier to live with.

At one point in time, I would have thought German technology infallible.

This car changed my mind. It’s suddenly changed my perceptions from the gruff of Schwarzenegger, to that fat Prussian kid on The Simpsons that when poked with fervor yells, “Don’t make me run, I am full of chocolate!”

Its Bertone styling is handsome without being too pretty (though some see it as a girl’s car. Thanks Liz!) and it reeks of BMW 3 series inside. So what could be the problem you ask?

The pop top goes down with the press of a button. It’s even got what I’ve always wanted, one button that sends all your windows down in a pillar less convertible. In my book, next to the new Mazda RX8’s suicide doors, that kind of stuff is pure class.

Let me put it this way. If you’re easily pleased, the Astra convertible is a winner. Leather, chrome rims around the gauges and an extremely European (reading BMW) feel.

Except for the chrome Holden badge on the steering wheel that screams home one ethos, ‘great looks, agricultural engines’. As the GM CEO Bob Lutz said, ‘you can have too much quality’. Hopefully some of you will be saying to yourselves right now ‘duh’.

When you lift the silk sheet that is the pricey Astra convertible, the fruit starts to look a little rotten. Let’s starts with the 4 speed auto. For this kind of bananas, you want a BMW style tip-tronic auto box. It does have a sports mode which lets each gear sit on the rev limiter till your heart’s content - which is good if you like the sound of a Toyota Hiace. It goes adequately, and it’s not totally slow, but it’s no prize when it comes to performance. The turbo would be a welcome option.

Without that snail, it’s a very commercial sounding and feeling engine. It could really use the likes of the magic Nissan SR20 (in the 200SX and SSS Pulsar), or albeit not my taste the Honda VTEC with its sexy whistle in the upper rev ranges. Besides, what the hell is Ecotec anyway?

So mechanically she’s no prize. Well at least the suspension feels a little firm like a sports car. Or maybe it’s just the lack of metal above the head that means reasonably smooth surfaces feel a tad bumpy? You’d expect a luxo cruiser like this to soak them up good and proper but it’s rough and the roof tends to shake.

Speaking of the roof, it goes up automatically, it goes down automatically. It also likes to blow half way open on the freeway at cruising speeds, causing your ears to pop and your lovely leather interior to get quite wet. Then the automatic roof raising mechanism gets dang complicated when it goes pear shaped and is difficult to close.

And to think, there I was thinking this hun was designed for ‘ze autobahns’. Fat chance. Well the engine might be, but the roof couldn’t stand 4 bars of a Kraftwerk concert.

Despite that little roof blowing incident, you can say about this car is that it actually has a boot. The solid top Mercedes SLK cabriolet and Lexus well and truly don’t. When the top was up it never once leaked, nor was the cabin cold. The climate control in this thing is absolutely marvelous. So to is the digital display in the centre of the dash, which tells you the temperature, stereo details etc.

One thing you notice straight away is that this ain’t no BMW when you put your foot on the brakes. That brake pad smell will hit your senses after hitting the stoppers hard. One thing you never get with the Z3 – which you could get a great second hand one for the price of this with change to spare.

So while this car might suit the latté set, don’t have any great expectations of BMW quality beyond the cock pit. It might be reasonably priced for a German made rag top convertible, and it’s probably fantastic against the Renault Megane, but amongst her own, she’s Claudia Schiffer in a push-up bra.

Drive a BMW convertible, a Honda S2000 maybe, then drive the Astra and you know where all the extra money went. But each unto their own. But I am not one for badge value but I’d definitely choose a second hand Beamer because good brakes, tip-tronic transmissions and sexy sounding engines mean something in my book. And in all those respects, this one’s a rotter.

Think about your first car. No matter how bad it was, like yesterday’s pizza, it’s still pretty good. Well my first slice o pepperoni was a 1985 Nissan Gazelle notchback.

In its time it made hairdressers all over Australia blush. And god is this car eighties. So why the hell did I buy one?

Well see in Japan it was a pretty respectable piece of kit, where the Silvia is revered as a ‘young persons’ car and needs a bit of oomph to back it up. Their model got Nissan’s FJ20T turbocharged motor (arguably one of Nissan’s better fours and still heavily in demand from Aussie speed freaks). Power was above/around the 150kw mark. Not bad for 1985 hey?

So what about the Australian version. Well um, brace yourself, the Dandenong boys turned their nose up at the FJ20T and brought in the Pintara/Bluebird CA20 engine. This engine is a twin sparker that has absolutely no tuning or modification potential and is barely even reliable. The twin spark plugs means it has to be tuned like a V8 (and costs as much)

While the engine can easily be swapped for the Nissan SSS SR20 or the Japanese FJ20T, it gets worse. The brakes were drums at the back and little discs at the front.

In the first four weeks I had the car, I managed to completely destroy the brake master cylinder, front brake pads, did massive damage to the rear drums and the whole system needed to be flushed and replaced. The car had virtually no brakes left whatsoever.

Those boys in Dandy must of made the entire drive train of porcelan and chewing gum. The clutch lasted less than 6 weeks. By the time I sold the car it had 10 percent of it’s engine compression left - and amazingly still drove!

So technically the Aussie Gazelle was a true minger. But there are perks. I had the notchback sedan version and for an eighties car, it had absolutely everything. 3 way sunroof, power windows and all that.

Assuming you can live with the heavily eigthies influeneced tweed fabric styling on the seats, that’s a good thing. For a p-plater on an under 5K budget it’s as good as it gets.

Yes the styling hasn’t aged gracefully (kind of like fairy bread at a brewery picnic on a hot day) and And there certainly isn’t any feeling on earth like hanging out of a sunroof at 160kph - not that I endorse that kind of behaviour. You can modify the Gazelle to your hearts content, but it’s like waking up to George Michael and Wham! everyday (Wake me up, before ya go, go. . . ).

So if you truly want something different that no one else has done, get yourself a Gazelle. Get about $5,000-10,000 large to put proper wheels on it, all wheel discs from a Skyline and i’d recommend an FJ20T engine transplant which will suck up most of the cash.

Oh yeah and don’t like the wheels? You wont find wheels that will fit the Gazelle off the shelf anywhere! Don’t even think about it. . .

But remember this and you have been warned. The suspension setup is pretty lame, the notchback sedan parts are starting to get very rare (go the hatch) and even the well modded ones in Australia haven’t gone that well, because the Aussie spec was and still is still is at the end of the day, a soft car.

Driver feedback wise, it steers like an AU Falcon, reading heavily power assisted and the feeling like you’re Captain of Thames River barge. And that aint never good when driving at the limit.

The money I saved on fixing this relic I ended up driving around a much cooler Pulsar SSS. Unless it was a bona fide import from Japan with the proper fast bits, don’t sell yourself short. You will be dissapointed and you can do better.

Seems every time you hear Z3 mentioned it’s usually catastrophe and far from climax. I say bollocks to that. Call me a hairdresser, or even easily amused. But to me, a weekend in the Z3 was a weekend with a muse.

Apart from the fact they label, traction control ‘DSC’ (all you Kraut lovers, please explain. I am still trying to work that sucker out) and that you can’t get the convertible roof down on a barmy 30 degree Melbourne day (when they do come around) without your foot on the brake and the transmission in neutral, it’s my kinda ride.

Admittedly when these things were released in the mid-nineties and everyone suddenly had a kraut fetish, I loathed them. But it wasn’t until one fateful weekend when I had forsaken the rental AU Falcon for the pricey Hertz ‘K class’ rental number the Z3.

The choice between the Mustang, Volvo V70 and a Z3 wasn’t hard. God bless Hertz. They give the man the chance for something grand for a weekend and return it with a big smile on their faces, and believe me, I am one of those geezers. And god bless them.

Now before we get to the car itself, I have a beef with motoring journalists. They obviously park their arse on too much classy leather and pimp rides to know the difference between different grades of caviar and Champagne. As much as I enjoy their readings, I’d be buggered if I’d say what I drove was ‘bollocks’ and not the dog’s bollocks. They must be too spoilt for choice.

What did the journos say about the Z3? Firstly based on the ancient 80’s E36 platform or something like that. Anyway the old eighties 3 series chassis. Poor chassis dynamics, you know. . . that whole chestnut. Well maybe my ‘Wheels car of the year’ N14 Pulsar SSS didn’t quite handle as well as the Z3 and that’s my only rational base for comparison. And if that’s the worst BMW have to offer, I’m still impressed. Very impressed.

Chasing a MY99 WRX down the Mountain Highway in Melbourne’s Mount Dandenongs was a riot. And that little hairdresser unit had no trouble keeping up whatsoever. Poor chassis and handling? Not in my book.

What is phenomenal about the car is the brakes. Get all the way down the mountain and not a hint of brake fade, no brake dust on the rims and enough brake pad left to get home. And geez, I’m not that easily impressed. This ride is goooood.

How does it ride. Frankly I like sitting that low in a small car to the ground, and will trade it for any family car based sports car whre you’re perked right up in the seat any day.

Whilst I couldn’t really tell you if it oversteered or understeered (it was a rental and my humble budget can’t afford to replace a Beamer), it did everything the way you’d expect it to and at no point did it lack anticipation or disappoint. But then again I guess I couldn’t find the traction control switch. The Germans have a lot to learn about usability. But even with the switch on (and trying to spin the tyres all bloody day to no avail mind you) it was a nice ride through the twisties.

Now to the heart of the matter. I had the 2.2 litre. Sounds gutless, but still enough to have some dang good fun in the hills. Inside, it fits like a glove. Slung low down to the road, I’d absolutely love to try the M series version. Surely not comparable to a M3, but nowhere near a bad enough apple to spoil the whole damn bunch.

If you had the money I could see how you could get bored with a Z3. The same way you’d get bored with fish and chips and go for sushi. But there’s more than enough fish and chip shops in St Kilda and Port Melbourne to suggest the contrary. And I say bollocks to the mockers that think this is a crap car. I like sushi and I like fish and chips too. This car is fun, nimble, fast and wicked. More than enough for me. Beer battered sushi anyone?