Three great movies they’ll never make

Three great movies they’ll never make

Sadly great movies never get made. For what reasons we’ll never know but here’s three potentially legendary movies that may never see the light of day. Shantaram The 2004 book by Gregory David Roberts is the true story of an Aussie junkie who escapes maximum security prison in Adelaide and flees to India. The 600 or so pages go very quickly. Gregory David Roberts does the party scene, finds a few vendettas, infiltrates Bollywood and the local mafia and finds himself a squat in the Mumbai slums. You have to keep reminding yourself it’s not a novel. The only reason this isn’t a movie is it could easily be 10 hours long! But the book is so enthralling and so rich in detail, I feel like I’ve already seen the movie in my head. So why hasn’t Hollywood followed suit and made a movie out of it? Movie rights were bought in 2004 by Warner Brothers. To move things along, Johnny Depp put his weight behind the project. As late as 2013 Aussie Joel Edgerton was being courted by Depp to play the lead role. Roberts has been pushing the script and calling himself a Hollywood scriptwriter for several years now. An Indian director Mira Nair was selected in 2007. Fleetingly the movie looked to be equally Hollywood and Bollywood blockbuster IMDB has Shantaram listed as ‘in development’ for several years now. It’s been on hiatus so long, Roberts has written a sequel. Allegedly Warner Brothers still own the rights to the script/movie, but don’t hold your breath for it coming out any time soon. Keith Moon movie Moon...
Seven Psychopaths movie review

Seven Psychopaths movie review

Yes it’s been awhile between drinks blogofiles. Anyways this movie was clearly good enough to break the blog dry spell. A quick plot synopsis. Colin Farrell plays a bumbling writer with a killer idea for a script – seven psychopaths. Unfortunately between drinking bouts the idea is all he has. His actor mate tries to encourage him and desperately wants to be involved in the writing. To the extent that he even puts an ad in the newspaper asking for psyhopaths to share their stories with Farrell. Then suddenly everything goes pear shaped when a Shitzu dog gets kidnapped. His actor mate has a side line kidnapping dogs for ransom with a professional dog napper (Christopher Walken). And that’s about the point when life starts immitating life, as they realise they’ve kidnapped a major mafia guy’s (Woody Harrellson) beloved Shitzu. Without a spoiler alert that’s about as much as you can say. Legendary emo crooner Tom Waits plays a psycho that responds to the newspaper ad. He pops up intermittently throughout the movie as a kind of sub plot. It is kind of hard to sum up this movie. You could describe it as a road trip movie, a Tarantino type B grade romp, it’s many things but all of them good. At times it’s almost a road trip movie. What you do get is an insight into seven or so completely different, and at times very likeable nutters. Kind or life immitating art immitating life. Seven Psychopaths is nothing short of sensational. How that managed to get so many great actors in the one bill is amazing. Stand...

The Heartbreaker makes for rom-com noir

Seldom would I willingly watch a romantic comedy, let alone blog about it. Clearly French language film The Heartbreaker with Romain Dupis and Johnny Depp’s wife not only breaks the Rom Com mould, but tears it a permanent new proverbial. How could this be possible you ask? Well first and foremost it’s French. Apparently there’s not a benign, easily offended “mid west” in France that easily gets offended by anything without cheese on it. This allows them a certain well, humourous levity in their films that their lumpen American counterparts somehow can’t achieve. Probably because they couldn’t sell the DVD at the Starbucks counter in Walmart or something equally banal. The humour straight off the bat is in Dupus, who plays a cute, cuddly pathological liar who works with a crack trio of professional relationship breaker-uppers. But you see they’re ethical: “they open minds, not legs” and move onto the next. Their mission statement alone and it’s apparent Frenchness was funny enough but it gets better. Because yes, The Heartbreaker does schmaltzty romantic moments, like a complete recreation of the main Dirty Dancing ‘I’ve had the time of my life…’ scene. Somehow though, you never cringe without smiling ear-to-ear. This rom com has an attitude and edginess to the humour and a mise-en-scene that makes this genre work. And on balance makes it a great movie in any genre. It has brilliant locations such as Morocco, Paris and Monaco and it just works. Somehow Johnny Depp’s wife (I really can’t be bothered looking up her name) is a geniunely believable toff that is totally not fazed by Dupis’ charm and...
Is Shane Smith Lemmy’s love child?

Is Shane Smith Lemmy’s love child?

Lately I’ve been addicted to the Vice Broadcasting Service (vbs.tv). Not only have they been responsible for epic movies like Heavy Metal in Baghdad, but they relentlessly travel the world showing you places you’d never thought you’d see in your life. I’m talking Liberia, the sewer kids of Colombia, heavy metal mobs on Aboriginal reservations; they literally know now bounds! It’s beyond gonzo journalism or ever war correspondence. They take you to places where war technically hasn’t stopped for 50 years like North Korea. Brining very nicely to the point of this blog: Shane Smith. Somehow after years of working for a faceless corporate behemoth, I’ve found North Korea both bizarre and strangely intruiging. Perhaps all those bland grey office partitions have got me in the communist mind set. Whatever the reason, I found a Youtube video of Shane Smith going through North Korea as a clandestine filmmaker. I’m assuming that when he went through customs, he did not have to declare the watermelon sized balls he has on one of those arrivals forms.  It seems at no stage of this journey was there no sense of danger. Posing as tourists, at each corner their minders are warning them of the dangers of their actions. So after seeing the North Korea video a few times (it’s just that out there) and Smith’s trip to Liberia it got me thinking. OK so the guy has watermellon sized balls and thus pretty cool. Then he’s got these features of someone we know and love. So there’s no tell tale warts on the face, but the shortish beard and sideburns and long,...

In the loop movie review

For those who think political satire is dead, check this out. This movie is Yes Minister for a new generation. One can’t also help but think that they’ve seen the Australian ABC TV show ‘The Hollowmen’ as well. They are a hair’s breath away from each other. At the end of the day though, that really is inconsequential, because this is an amazing movie in its own right. In the Loop brings political satire into the modern age of Conservative US/British politics via the Gulf War (the current one) and how ministers and mingling US back benchers all are so fervently trying to tone down talk of war, they almost start one. I’d tell you more about the plot, but it’s not really that important to why I enjoyed it. Maybe it hits a raw nerve for me. This movie portrays generation Ys as ambivalent morons with no conscience, in a society where OHS rules don’t guarantee fair treatment or fair play; the Scots are the underlords keeping politics in check with a filthy tongue and an iron fist and the Americans are cringe-worthy in their conservative self righteous bland-ness. Whereas the English, as always, are bumbling and polite as always. In other words, it was written for pommy in-greats like me! All second-guessing their way through what would be a political thriller if any one of the main characters had a clue what’s going on! If nothing else, you get a cameo from Steve Coogan (of Alan Partridge Presents and Saxondale fame) as an Irate constituent. For Sopranos fans, there’s also James Gandolfini playing an American army general,...

America Unchained Dave Gorman

With a title like this, it’s worth pointing out that Dave Gorman is a British comedian, not a Conservative polly. Or even worse, Max Mosley. It also happens to be a great road trip documentary. As if a cross-country road trip in a foreign country wasn’t enough of trial by fire, he vows not to give a cent to ‘the man’. The man being any chain petrol station, restaurant, motel or store. Any corporation basically. So if that doesn’t appeal to your dolphin loving, left wing side, what does? In many ways, it should be twee and hateful. After all Gorman is a self confessed vegetarian, which would be a crime worse than incest in Hayward’s Australia – punishable by stuffing Wagyu beef patties down the offender’s throat till their liver turned to fois gras. Perhaps it’s twee because despite good intentions about not giving a cracker to the man, he buys a Ford station wagon. Let’s face it, the man don’t get no bigger than Henry Ford. But hey it was a classic car and I’m splitting hairs here. How many vegetarians have ever built a car out of bamboo and tofu without the man? It’s a very round number. To be honest, this movie is an absolute cracker. Despite ‘the plan’ to go straight across the states, he takes detours at the drop of a hat, visiting any town called Independence in between breakdowns. Those being either the car or his director/camera person companion who has to jack in in half way through the journey with a bad back. It captures all the bittersweet joy and melancholy...