The world adores matt hayward

Sadly, everyone knows of the Ramones through liberal use of their mock CIA band logo on every piece of fashion imaginable. If you’re lucky, you know ‘em through a mix tape a mate gave you in your teens and rocked out to ‘Now I wanna sniff some glue’ and ‘beat on the brat’. But what you probably don’t know is just how messed up these guys are.

This doco has interview footage with anyone that ever got close to them, including neighborhood friends, early punk journos, brothers, mothers, roadies you name it. You will find out little known facts that on the first UK tour the Bronx boys did, Johnny Rotten ‘wanted to meet them backstage, but was scared of getting beaten up’. Even more scary that The Ramones had an art director virtually since inception and when they were all broke, they crashed in his loft. It’s interesting to see just how much the guys relied on conceptual styling to get noticed.

What amazed me was just how these guys managed to hold it together for so long whilst absolutely hating each other. There’s anecdotes and early concert footage at CGBGs where they’re even arguing on stage about what song to play next! In fact the early band footage is absolutely hilarious. At one point Joey Ramone almost knocks himself out with his own mic stand, mid performance.

As with any Rockumentary, there’s the token a la Yoko Ono, band breaking bitch semiotic. I can’t remember the full SP, but Johnny Stole Joey’s chick and married her and the song ‘The KKK took my baby away’ was written out of spite for Johnny. According to CJ Ramone, Joey and Johnny didn’t speak for years.

In short this movie is absolutely hilarious, poignant and insightful. Dee Dee is an absolute blithering idiot, Johnny the Saergaent that holds it all together (no matter what), Joey the obsessive compulsive hobbit that lives to be on stage, Tommy the ‘normal’ one.

There’s an absolutely hilarious bit where Dee Dee describes Tommy: “You know . . . Tommy was the kind of guy in his twenties that would buy some bread and hamburgers. . . . and cook. . . . hamburgers . . .”. One example of so many Spinal Tap-esque one liners that are just so funny.

Perhaps what makes it so poignant is months before Joey and Dee Dee’s death, Rob Zombie says “The Ramones were just always there. I guess you end up taking it for granted they’ll always be there”. There was no shortage of stars that make a quick cameo to say their bit, but Rob said it best. The boys were a classic comedy of errors and epitomised true Rock and Roll, spreading the gospel to millions and an inspiration to all hardcore, punk and metal bands the world over.

Considering this movie was director Michael Gramaglia’s first doco and on the shelf for a few years, this doco is absolutely tops. I don’t think i’ve ever laughed so hard, yet been so inspired to keep sticking it up the mainstream. You must see this movie.

Mention Bollywood and most of us will whince like you’ve sucked on a thousand lemons. Because Indian’s expect a bloody lot of entertainment for their Rupee and more dancing that Grease on ecstacy. So Bollywood can seem to be all about camp and all about quantity.

So what happens when Bollywood decide to remake Reservoir Dogs? What about how Indians are not allowed to kiss in movies and random dance routines are imperative? Well remake they have and it works a lot better than you might think.

Kaante is a bit like lengthy, but in many ways, it’s not long enough. Sure, it waters down Reservoir Dogs to an Ma 15+ rating, but at the same time adds a lot more Hitchcock-like suspense and fear into scenes. In a refreshing kind of way, it’s a flashback to violent movies before liberal use of fuck, shit and cunt and pornography (not that I don’t love those things dearly). Far better than any Hollywood remake, it gels its cultural influences to the original storyline that even Tarantino must admire.

Kaante is entirely set in Los Angeles. All the lead actors are Indians, including the ‘Major’ who is trying his best to look like a greying Pacino in ‘Dog’s Day Afternoon’. The characters switch dialogue from Hindi to English with all the fluidity of a Rolls Royce changing gear, which is kind of intimidating when you expect them to sound like Apu off The Simpsons. But this movie potrays that Indian blokes can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Even if you yourself are an Indian.

Friendship and trust are the common threads between the original and this reproduction. The characters don’t take on the ‘Mr Black’, ‘Mr Pink’ or rather aptly ‘Mr Brown’ (which is perhaps why they avoided it) but it’s not long before the characters start talking big time betrayal and treachery to one another. In some ways, you’re more compelled by the Indian villans inquisition for the rat than the original version. There are some absolutely stellar performances.

So what’s retained from the original? We’ll there is a good take on the mystery ending, and they do torture a cop, but no chop-chopping of the ears. Nor my favourite Harvey Keitel ‘let’s go get a Taco’ scene, where Mr Black gives his thoughs on crowd control. I was really pissed about that.

They’ve added at least four dance scenes that involve pole dancers in a strip club, and even in the gangsters’ hide out they do a big dance number without making you want to shoot yourself. It’s actually quite cool. All the Indian chicks are kind of Anglo and put in good performances. But there’s no unrequited lover that dies at the end. Just a stuck up bitch who wants child support and a cancerous leech. So at least there’s a modern slant on the mandatory Bollywood love story.

Instead of a jewelry store being held up, it’s a bank. But a bank where all the cops keep their money, so the security is lax. Unfortunately, the bank shoot-em-up scene is way over the top. More ‘Last Action Hero’ than Tarantino which really licked balls. But it was still enjoyable. After all there are plenty of bright, shiny objects being shot at.

Having lived with Indians for a short tenure, I found the characters pretty real and believable. Although they did try and make them a bit too hip and cool (one character has bleached hair like some surfie twat from Summer Bay) in some sequences. But when it comes to the ‘Who’s the snitch?’ dialogue they’re right on the money and in many ways scarier than Keitel.

In case you’re one of those cheeky buggers who’se scrolled to the last paragraph, it’s worth it. If you’re a truly one-eyed tarantino nut, well you’re not going to enjoy it. But if you’re open minded and can appreciate directors who work within cultural constraints to use other techniques than graphic violence and profanity to compel you, this is the trick. Recommend leaving the missus at home though and putting a few cold ones in the fridge. 7 out of 10. Bloody great flick.

NOTE: if you\’re in OZ, you can see parts 2 and 3 of the corporation on SBS, Weds 12 and 19, 8.30PM.

Full kudos to SBS in Australia for making a 3-part series of the movie \’The Corporation\’. Just like in Supersize Me, when they challenge people on the street and ask \’What is a calorie?\’ the responses are equally scary. How can such a salient household term be so tragically misunderstood?

This doco chases the origins of the corporation, which trace back to the industrial revolution in the UK and how the seppos (Americans) used their fourteenth ammendmant as a precedent to make the corpration be regarded by law as an individual. Just like you or I. Except whilst the corporation is ultimately responsible to the law, it\’s sole responsibility is to make a profit for it\’s shareholders.

Yup you guessed it baby, 0.5 percent of the US population max are shareholders of any corporation, so where does the benefit for the populous lie? That\’s right, there isn\’t any! No morality in actions!

The movie is kind of triptich(?) for lack of a better word. It starts out with the typical chat to experts, anti-capitalist diatribe, then suddenly takes a huge depressing nose dive with some South America horror stories, and ends on the positive \’here\’s what you can do!\’ note.

Anti capitalist diatribe reference may not be completely fair though. There\’s a reasonably broad sprectum of people being interviewed. From the token Michael Moore appearance, to the brazen NYSE stock trader, to the staunchly British chariman of Shell. There\’s also Noam Chomsky (sound familiar? He\’s one of the most quoted people ever) and one bloke who runs a corporation that\’s now a CEO environmental evangelist.

If by now you\’re wondering whether it\’s worth seeing, absolutely! If only just to get a perspective on what a corporation really is, does, why they don\’t care and just how many mistakes are being made. It has its bone tingling scary moments where you think there\’s no hope for man kind, then shows you just how easy it is to kill the behemoth by not buying his icy cold can of Coke.

I\’d sing Happy Birthday here now, but as the movie tells you, it would cost $10,000 in royalties to the AOL Time Warner Corporation that owns the copyright!